Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco, SPFL

Pedro’s Paperwork Problems


Good Afternoon.

Regular readers (whose patience I salute!) will know that The Clumpany enjoys trivial-but-amusing things. The more trivial, the better. If there is something inconsequential available to make lame-arsed jokes about, I am straight in there!

Fortunately for The Clumpany, Scottish football and its magnificent media operatives work in perfect harmony to produce a never-ending supply of laughs so cheap that even Sevco might be able to afford them.

And so it was last night that Twitter was regaled with a tale of Pedro Caixinha  and a missed flight to Scotland, where he is ultimately expected to assume the  position of manager/ fall guy at Sevco.

Here is the exchange in question, which took place shortly before the Daily Record Charm School opened for the evening… 😉



I greatly enjoyed the idea of “paperwork” holding up a trip to Scotland in this electronic age. Of course, it could be that (boringly) Caixinha has administrative or domestic things to take care of in Qatar which he needs to do in person, and that “paperwork” is a handy catch-all term to describe it.

But I am not having that. Much more plausible “paperwork problem” scenarios include:

  • An origami dinosaur trampling the aeroplane to pieces prior to boarding.
  • Cut-price Sevco Airlines dispatching a papier-mâché plane to collect the new manager, which unfortunately came a cropper following previously unheard-of rain at Glasgow airport.
  • Caixinha waiting for a signed and witnessed piece of paper to be couriered from South Africa, confirming the exact amount of cash he will have to spend on players.
  • Caixinha awaiting Sevco sending him the autographs of his favourite Celtic players, which he demanded as an assurance that Glasgow has something exciting to offer.
  • As a keen student of mythology, Caixinha wants ‘Professor’ John Brown to send him the hand-scrawled manuscript of his proposed archaeological colouring book, “The Search for the Ibrox Deeds” to read on the flight.

And perhaps, most believably of all:

  • Pedro somehow got to see the sports pages of a Scottish paper, and it has put him off working here… 😉



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