Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Charles I: Still Modelling Hats


Good Evening.

The Clumpany had a chuckle today at this piece in the Evening Shark-Jump (yes I know that by virtue of being in that attempted newspaper, things are automatically amusing, but this was especially good):

It’s time for Rangers owner Dave King to get on a plane and show his face around Ibrox

The article itself was sensible stuff about the on-pitch rebuilding job required at Sevco, and about the desirability of Chairman Dave King (remember him?) actually putting in an appearance to sort things out. The two key quotes about that were as follows: 

“Dave King needs to front up. Not through a statement, but he needs to actually be in Glasgow to tell the supporters what is going to happen next. You only get way with being a remote owner of a club if you are Sheik Mansour who has put more than £1bn into Manchester City.” [NB not that King is the owner of Sevco…]

“However, King has to start acting like the Rangers* owner and show that he cares. I hear flights from South Africa are pretty easy to get if you’re a multi-millionaire.”

Keith Jackson also said similar – if rather more scathing – things in his column today, causing numerous members of the Bampot Community to have the words “I’m sure we told you so” going around in their heads.

However, the entertaining part of the ESJ piece was its liquidation-denial. If I was very cynical I might suspect that the author included it just to get a reaction, but either way, it won’t stop me from crying “pish!” at it…

I am not sure what “since the 1872” actually means, but I am sure the Rangers Continuity Wibblers loved it anyway!

And then there was this absolute gem:

“Four less-than trouble free years away” is a lovely turn of phrase, but is the biggest underplaying of death, liquidation and starting as a new entity I have seen since one of my adoring Twitter fans said “F*ck off w*nker. We didnae die. Youse are #Obsessed”

Or words to that effect.

It is like saying “Charles I is well into his fourth century of modelling hats despite getting a sore head in 1649”.

Whatever next?

  • “Not quite fully-listed RIFC shares”?
  • “A not-entirely engaged Nomad”?
  • “Scotland continuing to thrive in international tournament football despite ‘conceding a few goals’ since 1998”?
  • “Bruce Banner’s transcendental meditation school experienced an ‘unfortunate lively moment’ when he ‘got a bit irritated'”?
  • “Slight guest dissatisfaction with their shower at the Bates Motel”?
  • “Titanic still manages to thrill ocean-goers despite its ‘slight detour’ in the Atlantic in 1912”?
  • “The annual ‘Death Star Appreciation Day’ on Alderaan remains popular even though it hasn’t been quite as well attended in recent years”?
  • “Another less-than Pulitzer winning year for the Herald and Shark-Jump Group”?

I am sure they will all be completely riveting reads…


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…