Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Barry Ferguson: Sevco Manager

Barry isn’t one to blow his own (imaginary) trumpet…

Good Evening.

I suspect there isn’t fan of Scottish football outside the 500 million follow followers of Sevco who wouldn’t love Barry Ferguson – hero of Scotland, Blackpool and Clyde – to get the Ibrox manager’s job. Even though it seems unlikely to happen…

His performance in leading Clyde precisely nowhere other than to the potential excitement of a relegation playoff to stay in senior football is just the sort of talent and success we would all love to see deployed in getting Sevco back to where they belong. Namely, playing in the Challenge Cup.

You can imagine the account Barry might give of his managerial achievements should Sevco feel the need to go through the motions of holding an interview with him…

Interviewer: “So Barry. What are your strengths as a football manager?”

BF: “Well I used to play for Rangers. I was the Captain in a European final.”

Interviewer: “Yes, but what have you achieved as a manager? What can you bring to this role?”

BF: “You wouldn’t believe the number of times I called the pre-match coin toss right when I captained Rangers. Especially after I learned that one side had heads on it and the other tails. Who knew?!”

Interviewer: “But what have you done as a manager?”

BF: “No player likes to lose here and every defeat hurt when I was Captain. The best fans in the world come to watch us, and they have been brought up to expect success.”

Interviewer: “Barry! Managerial things! How would you organise the team, for example? You must have some experience from managing Blackpool and Clyde.”

BF: “I had some good times there. Especially at Clyde. I always got a warm welcome on Sportsound. Kenny would always make sure the best biscuits were put out on a wee plate for me.”

Interviewer: “But what about tactics?”

BF: “I like to keep it simple. Kenny and I always agree that our tactic should be to talk about Rangers* positively, and avoid any awkward stuff on air.”

Interviewer: “FFS Barry! How would you go about setting up a team? What formation would you use?”

BF: “Personally I’d have myself, Kenny, Keith Jackson, and Richard Wilson on. And I’d have us sitting around the table in that order from left to right. Richard doesn’t mind sitting near the door and going out to get me a coffee if I want one. And it’s usually a good idea for me to sit next to Kenny as he’s always asking me for my autograph. He’s got me signing wallpaper at the moment. I think he’s going to decorate his house with my signature. What a great bloke!” 😉

Interviewer: [*Sighs*] OK let’s make this really easy. What sort of defensive approach would you use if facing a tricky opponent away from home.”

BF: “Kenny thinks we should just say the matter doesn’t merit a discussion, and if that doesn’t work, we just say ‘legalities'”.

Interviewer: “Can you tell me something, ANYTHING, about your approach to managing a football team. This is Rangers* Football Club and the manager’s job is the biggest one in the game. We have to be sure that you can do it.”

BF: “I’ll wear a suit on the touchline and Kenny says he’ll buy me some brown brogues as a thank-you for helping to decorate his house.”

Interviewer: “Perfect! When can you start?”

BF: “Straight after my next Sportsound show. Kenny is going to be buzzing!”

Interviewer: “Ah yes. About that radio programme. As you know, Rangers* are in dispute with the BBC, and we can’t have you appearing on their football show.”

BF: “That no bother at all. Kenny and I have already got that one worked out. Kenny bought me a false moustache and beard for Christmas. I can wear those on the radio and no one will ever know it’s me.”

Interviewer: “Oh FFS!”.

Yes, The Clumpany suspects that Barry Ferguson becoming Sevco manager could be entertaining in all sorts of ways.



NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…


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