Scottish Football, Sevco, SPFL

Sevco: It’s Not All Bad


Good Evening.

The Clumpany notes that Sevco lost to bottom-of-the-table ICT last night.

To a late winner.

Which was an overhead kick.

Oh well…

The result, coupled with wins for Celtic and Aberdeen today, left the pre-season title favourites, and latterly favourites for the runner-up spot in third place, 33 points off the leaders and nine behind second place.

Still, at least there are some positives to be drawn from their current predicament:

1) Sevco are still ‘Going for 55’ even if title number one has been deferred until at least 2018.

2) According to acting manager Graeme Murty, their warm-up last night was better than it was ahead of their previous game, which they lost to Dundee.

The second of these positives could prove crucial come the end of the season should Sevco end up tied on points with one of their rivals for European football. After all, quality of warm-ups is the first tie-breaker that will be used following the SPFL’s sudden unexpected decision last night to do away with goal difference.

Sources close to Sevco inform me that the Ibrox outfit may also be hoping to persuade Neil Doncaster to do away with the old-fashioned ‘points for wins’ approach to league football, and replace it with other elements of the game at which Sevco believe they excel.

As part of their submission to lobby for change, Murts has recorded a DVD in which he explains Sevco’s football-related strengths. This DVD – which will obviously include no actual on-pitch action – will also double as the ‘club’ end-of-season review, and will be available in all good bargain bins in late May.

Featured achievements in the DVD include:

  • Most stylish swigging from a water bottle.
  • Most miraculous reappearance of a ‘club’ badge on the kit at half-time.
  • Most immaculately pulled-up pair of socks.
  • Most lame-arsed pitchside gymnastics.
  • Most world-class breakfast in the entire… errr… world.
  • Most players to leave a team bus without one of them managing to get lost in a luggage rack.
  • Most post-match ‘inquests’.
  • Most unlikely person to become temporary manager of [*cough cough cough*] the world’s most successful* ‘club’.
  • Most unconvincing ‘Director of Football’-related newspaper coverage; and of course…
  • Best tifo about a football club which uniquely exists entirely separately from any real-world operating entity such as a ‘company’ going for a fictitious number of titles between 54 and 56.

Reserve your copy of the DVD today to ensure disappointment.