Celtic, Media, Satire, Scottish Football


Good Evening.

The Clumpany is a big fan of the art of taking something innocuous and turning it into some sort of ‘controversy’.

To be fair, it’s a standard approach across all forms of news media, because it makes the mundane seem interesting and thereby attracts – and sometimes keeps – readers.

‘Clickbait’ is the most familiar term for this sort of approach, and although it specifically relates to online content such as ‘five shocking ways that Celtic FC is stealing your pension and undermining the foundations of your house’, the clickbaiting principle is used on other platforms too.

My favourite use of the principle is when someone at Celtic says something and it is turned in to a ‘controversial question’ to prompt a reaction or ‘debate’. In general, this is pretty harmless as long as you recognise it for what it is. However, it can sometimes give the impression that the club or its staff are bang out of order.

Which is not on.

Far be it from me to suggest that the following could ever actually appear in the Scottish sports media, but I can’t help but think that we should stand guard, just in case… 😉


Brendan Rodgers spoke to the media and gave his views on how the rest of the Premiership season might unfold = “Do you think Brendan Rodgers was right to shout down the rest of Scottish Football with his ‘crush them underfoot’ battle cry?” 

The Celtic manager reflected on the success of  his summer recruitment = “What is your reaction to Rodgers suggesting ‘Ha ha ha! GIRUY! We’ve got DEMBELE and he’s worth more than all of the Rangers* duds put together and multiplied by ten-in-a-row!’?”

Brendan Rodgers paid tribute to the role of his defence in helping to achieve such a huge goal difference = “Has Rodgers insulted the rest of the Premiership by saying that everyone else’s defence and strikers are utterly shite?”

The Celtic boss says his club’s fans are the best supporters in the world = “What do you think about Rodgers telling Celtic fans to back the team and stop being obsessed with Rangers*? Is this a humiliation for the Celtic faithful?”

Peter Lawwell and the Celtic board have confirmed plans for a new hotel = “How do you react to Celtic’s enduring inferiority complex in the face of Sir David Murray’s ambitions for Rangers*?”

Celtic continue to hold discussions with Craig Gordon about a new contract = “Do you think Craig Gordon is stalling because he knows Celtic’s self-proclaimed success is about to crumble into dust?”

Manager says that with hard work, the talented Leigh Griffiths can remain a key part of his long-term plans = “Are you shocked that Rodgers has said Griffiths is lazy and shite? Should the unwanted striker go to Rangers*?”

Brendan Rodgers says he hopes referees will clamp down on career-threatening fouls = “Has Rodgers gone too far in demanding that the ambulance service should be able to drive the ball into the opposition goal?”

Celtic manager says the next Glasgow derby will be a big occasion, and he’s looking forward to the challenge = “Are you fed up of Rodgers slagging off Rangers* by calling it the ‘Glasgow derby’? Does his confession of being intimidated give Rangers* the upper hand?”

Brendan Rodgers says Celtic’s upcoming opponents are a well-run side who will provide a tough test = “Do you agree with Rodgers that every game in the Premiership is too easy for Celtic? Or do you feel insulted by him?”

The Celtic boss thanked the media for attending today’s press conference = “Is Rodgers’ arrogant dismissal of the media going to come back and haunt him?”


You have been warned! 😉


“Is The Clumpany wearing a green jacket because it pissed all over the blue one in an act of gross disrespect to Rangers*?”