Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Up To 60 Billion Applicants

“This club’s rightful place is at the top of Scottish football”

**Remarkably, this is the 700th Clumpany blog! Many thanks for your your continuing support** 

Good Morning.

It seems that there IS life on other worlds after all.

The Clumpany deep space observatory was all set for yet another quiet night yesterday, when suddenly it intercepted an incredible number of signals from across the galaxy. It was amazing!

I alerted NASA to the exciting developments, but shockingly they didn’t believe me. That said that I am a fantasist who makes things up! Fancy that!

So The Clumpany dealt with the situation itself.

Top Clumpany scientists set to work decoding the messages, and were astonished by what they pieced together. It seemed to be a conversation about the managerial vacancy at Sevco. Here are the key communications, transcribed as best they could manage:

Messenger 1: “Embedded agent in Glasgow – Daily Record outpost – reports Ibrox recruitment. Says ‘most exciting job in universe, big history, massive investment, no rust or loans at all'”.

Messenger 2: “Confirmed. Position offers chance to conquer a Scot Land then a Your-Ope, with possibility of dominating universe.”

Messenger 1: “Clear danger though. Outpost Daily Record reports up to 60 applicants for job.”

Messenger 2: “Joking?”.

Messenger 1: “No, Record agent says they are serious applicants.”

Messenger 2: “Suggest bring forward plans to conquer Universe. Ibrox job key strategic priority. Champions League trophy needed to power new weapons systems”.

Messenger 1: “Strategy agreed. No human must get that job. Please proceed to submit applications. All 6o billion citizens of our home planet must apply.”

Messenger 2: “Implementing now. Stationery and second class stamps being activated at key missile silos.”

Messenger 1: “Prepare follow-up ground invasion. May be required if Bomber Brown given job by mistake. Army must secure deeds.”

Messenger 2: “Plan confirmed. Operation ’60 Billion Serious Applicants’ is underway. Hope outpost Daily Record does not blow our cover.”

The Clumpany is still reeling from the potential  implications of this explosive intercept!

We must all hope that the Sevco board make the right decision when appointing a new manager. The fate of the Universe could depend upon it…


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