Celtic, Satire, Scottish Football

How Celtic Got Away With It

“I think we’ve got away with it Dermot. Mwahahahaha!”

Good Evening.

The Clumpany would like to expose the shameful shenanigans which have resulted in Celtic Football Club being able to submit an application to build a new hotel and museum complex alongside Celtic Park.

Celtic underhandedly built a sustainable operation over several decades, accumulating money that was outrageously their own, and earning a horrifying creditworthiness that is an appalling testament to their disgusting hard work and prudence.

Their disgracefully effective board and sickeningly productive chief executive produced gut-wrenchingly ambitious-yet-achievable plans, and brazenly built good relationships with many potential partner organisations and the civil authorities.

Celtic also humiliatingly followed good procurement practice and shamefully spent their money in paying an appallingly fair price for various pieces of land. Their attention to detail in not obtaining any underhand State Aid or other subsidies from the taxpayer, and in only paying what they could afford will forever be a mark on their reputation.

The volume of evidence about Celtic’s corrupt and shameless acts of going about things in the right way is truly jaw-dropping. I shall be publishing it and sending it to the authorities any day now…

No really…

Honestly…

If you are as outraged as The Clumpany, I strongly recommend that you write a lot of angry online posts, and send an infinite number of Freedom of Information requests to every public body in the Universe.

Alternatively, you could simply send a ‘Well Done’ card to congratulate Celtic on getting away with it for so long… 😉

#KeepOnClumping