Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Mind Your Own Business!


Good Morning.

You may be surprised to learn that The Clumpany receives quite a few ‘lively’ comments in response to its outpourings. Particularly (but not exclusively) from Sevco fans who don’t seem to enjoy seeing either of their ‘clubs’ and various assorted holding companies and engine room subsidiaries held up to close examination and the odd bit of ridicule.

My motto in these matters is “if it wasn’t pant-pissingly hilarious, I wouldn’t laugh at it.” [NB I really should have that translated into Latin and put on a coat of arms above the main entrance to Clumpany Towers. It would be an impressive sight for visitors crossing the drawbridge.]

The sort of comments I receive tend to be on the creative side, such as “#Obsessed” (always with a hashtag for added gravitas), “sad”, “tragic”, “boring”, and “get a life” etc. None of the witty replies ever includes an explanation of how an incorporated football club can actually survive liquidation. 

Funny that.

One of my favourite cutting retorts is “why don’t you concentrate on your own team?”. This always makes me wonder whether the person uttering it can’t comprehend that it is possible to hold more than one thought at a time, or to consider how multiple things relate to each other. 

I was reminded of the “why don’t you concentrate on your own team?” ‘jibe’ when I saw this Tweet from one of the Scottish S*n’s finest last night.


I am sure no malice was meant by the jibe, and the recipient then engaged in good-natured banter. However, it did seem to be a curious remark from someone who works in an industry which is all about being inquisitive and generally taking an interest in a wide range of things. Particularly, newsworthy things. Which neither Rangers (IL) nor Sevco have ever been short of!

Applied more widely, the natural conclusion of the sentiments expressed in the Tweet make for some startling questions:

What is David Attenborough doing making wildlife documentaries? He’s not even an elephant FFS!

Why doesn’t Professor Brian Cox keep his mouth shut? All that astrophysics talk and he doesn’t even live in space!

What is Chris Froome doing cycling round France, when he’s got a perfectly good car at home?

Why do the residents of Coronation Street shrink themselves down to tiny size and go to millions of people’s houses several times a week? Can’t they just live their lives at a normal size in one place like everyone else?

Why did Helen Mirren go around pretending to be The Queen? She’s got her own identity to get her through the day!

Why is Mark Warburton saying that he was sack when he already has a good solid resignation in place?

Answers on a postcard, please…

#KeepOnClumping

NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…