Media, Satire, Scottish Football

A Confusing Week

Time Passing

Good Evening.

Earlier today, The Clumpany was feeling a little bit baffled. I was trying to remember what I had done over the past week, but I couldn’t quite get the chronology right. 

I like to keep my diary up-to-date, so that I will be able to marvel at my exciting ethereal activities when I look back at some future point. Fortunately, I have now cracked it and have written everything down a nice logical and sequential manner.

Here is a brief summary of my past week, as now recorded in my diary:

Thursday: Nice start to the week. Went to bed before I got up, and was really looking forward to Saturday’s game. I then woke up a fortnight ago and was concerned I might have missed next month’s appointment with the ethereal dentist.

Monday: My favourite day of the weekend (apart from Thursdays and Tuesdays). Relaxed by watching the ‘Back To The Future’ films in order from start to finish in one sitting. ‘Back To The Future Part II’, ‘Back To The Future’, ‘Revenge of the Sith’ and ‘Back To The Future Part III’ is a brilliant and seamless trilogy. The creators deserve more credit than they usually receive. Went to the pub in the evening and made the classic mistake of having my eighth pint before my first. Was p*ssed before I even really got started.

Saturday: Enjoyed watching the Celtic game. Great to see the Hoops go 6-0 up, but it was a shame that Inverness reduced the deficit to 1-0 by the final whistle.

Wednesday: Read newspapers from the 1990s and 2000s about how brilliant Rangers are and about how they have a bright future. At least I think they were from those decades as it would make no sense to run such stories in 2017. Saw in the New Year with the Easter Bunny, which kindly made time in its busy egg-delivering schedule to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. Thought about doing ‘Dry January’ this year, but as it was June, I decided not to bother until April.

Tuesday: Was in upbeat mood after Celtic’s Cup win, but had a major panic when I suddenly realised that I was late for my own birth. Or was it funeral? While I was dithering, I watched The Queen’s Christmas Message and the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special, both of which were broadcast live for the first time. I thought the comedy duo rounded off the year well, and hope the TV in 1978 is going to be just as good.

Friday: Read in the local paper that my Clumping services are no longer required by anyone. I was being blocked en masse by the whole of Twitter, because a week next Tuesday I had apparently told all my followers to get stuffed. Issued a statement saying I would keep on Clumping regardless. The local paper hasn’t given it much coverage. 😉

I hope you agree that the chronology of my week is absolutely clear. If any journalists want to clarify any points of confusion, I am happy to speak to them.


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…


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