Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Where Is The £6m Bid?

Good Evening.

Another day has passed and still there is no sign of Red Bull Leipzig making a £6m bid for Sudden Sevco Superstarlet Barrie McKay. Nor is there any substantive evidence of them even showing an interest in him.

It’s all very puzzling, what with the repeated references to their pursuit in the ‘news’papers. In recent days the Daily Record has spoken of Leipzig preparing an offer, and today’s Evening Shark-Jump also mentioned their apparent interest.

And yet there have been no concrete developments even though Leipzig saw McKay in inspirational action some time ago, and despite the fact that the clock is counting down to the end of the transfer window.

The Clumpany has found itself at a complete loss to explain this. One associate suggested that it might just be that there is no interest from Leipzig and no £6m. They also suggested that the whole thing is a work of fiction designed to fill column inches, make Sevco appear relevant and generate wider interest in their players in the hope of selling a few to raise much-needed funds.

But that is a very cynical interpretation, and as regular readers will know, The Clumpany is never at home to cynicism.

So I decided to look into the real reasons why Leipzig appear not to have tabled a £6m bid for Barrie McKay. Having spent literally minutes digging into the matter, I have identified a few possibilities.

  • Leipzig want to pay the fee with 600 million pennies, and there is a queue at the bank to get them.
  • They have asked their sleeper agent Philippe Senderos to walk the bid over to Warbo’s office.
  • Leipzig heard a rumour about them bidding for McKay and are currently out hunting for the German version of Jeremy Beadle.
  • Top scientists have been commissioned to determine whether the spelling of ‘Barrie’ is plausible before any documents are written.
  • The Chairman’s sister-in-law’s aunty’s cousin’s dog ate the paperwork.
  • The Leipzig Chief Executive wants to make the call to Stewart Robertson in person, but they are having trouble finding a piece of string long enough to connect to Sevco’s tin can.

Whatever the truth of the matter, I am sure it is only a matter of time before we hear the sound of German money being poured into the Sevco war chest… And I am sure that the papers will be there to bring us every mind-blowing detail.

Although quite how they plan to survive the heat death of the universe in order to bring us that news is anyone’s guess.