Media, Satire, Scottish Cup, Sevco

Warbo Willing To Cash In On Unicorn – But Will Demand Chunk of Proceeds Go On Building Monorail

Rodney, pictured with moonbeams.

The Daily Piss-Take revealed yesterday how the Disney Company is considering a £6m bid for the unicorn, and Warburton will sanction the departure of his pet – which he received as a farewell gift when he left Citytraderville – if a hefty cut of the fee is reinvested in Rangers’* monorail.

By A.Hack

Mark Warburton will reluctantly sanction the sale of Rodney the unicorn if it allows him the chance to built his ambitious Rangers* monorail.

We revealed yesterday that American outfit the Disney Company is considering a £6million move for the unicorn who impressed them in a screen test last Sunday.

If a bid is made, the Rangers* board will almost certainly punch the air and run around shouting “woohoo, actual transfer income!” for several weeks. And Mark Warburton will demand a very chunky chunk of the unicorn proceeds.

A Rangers* insider said: “The manager hasn’t been able to build much of the monorail in the short term because there isn’t a lot of money for him to buy rails, or trains or even rolls of thin card for the wee tickets.

“If serious money is offered, or even if it’s joke money from one of those shops that also sells fake plastic turds, Mark wouldn’t want to lose his unicorn, which he paints light blue every morning. However, if it gave him the opportunity to build two or three miles of track in the direction of South Africa so he can hopefully talk to the Chairman about a war chest one day, he’d be prepared to let it happen.

But given the kind of money being spent by Disney, there’s a real chance the unicorn could go for a lot more than £6m in the summer. Because we might have worked out how to attach a Mickey Mouse mask to its face, and trained it to walk on two legs by then. That’s the dilemma.”

The unicorn was unavailable for comment.


NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun!