Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

Singing Star Barry Manilow A £6m Target For Daily Record Office Party 

‘Penny Arcade’ will cost an extra £250,000

By A.Hack.

The Daily Piss-Take can exclusively reveal that the famous tabloid has held talks with Manilow’s agent about appearing at an office party to celebrate the success of its sports desk, who recently impressed with some truly remarkable football transfer stories.

Manilow could be heading to Glasgow before the end of the month after the Record’s finest launched a move to pinch him from Las Vegas.

Preliminary talks about Manilow singing a couple of songs and signing autographs have been held, after he impressed during the ‘In Concert’ DVD one of the staff received as a Secret Santa present.

A number of middle-aged hen parties are also monitoring Manilow with a view to unveiling him as a surprise guest to serenade the bride.

Manilow caught the eye of Record Sport’s Top Team with his mesmerising DVD rendition of ‘Copacabana’.

They were impressed enough by the singer’s overall display to immediately look into his booking situation.

Manilow has only 18 months left on his Vegas deal and takes one weekend in four off. The Record believes it can get in ahead of any other potential bookings by making a Saturday offer now rather than waiting for his diary to open up again next year.

The Sports Desk shelled out £130 to snatch Manilow’s fellow American  Kermit the Frog from under the noses of a children’s birthday party in the summer.

Kermit has yet to nail down a regular place entertaining the Record troops, but they have high hopes for him especially with all the potential for ‘Muppet’ jokes in the office. 😉

And now they believe that in Manilow they have spotted another American gem.

Our inside source said: “Manilow is easily the most legendary of all the melodic, cheesy pop stars of his generation who called themselves Barry, and Record staff are certainly impressed.”

“Since the weekend there have been some serious discussions about making a booking for the singer.”

“It is the Entertainment Committee’s policy to hire the best available young talent. And failing that, Barry Manilow. The philosophy is to look for bookings who are under 25 years of age with big potential for the future. Or Barry Manilow.”

“Manilow is the right age if we suspend our strict criteria, and with only 18 months left on his contract in Vegas he could be available for a couple of hours one weekend at the right price. The Record believes it could get Manilow to appear for somewhere between £5m and £7m.”

“For that sort of money this would seem like a sensible investment. If we take leave of our senses.”
When asked if his client had been approached about a £6m appearance at an office party in Scotland, Barry Manilow’s agent called security and had us thrown out.

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NB Remember folks, it’s just a bit of fun…