Media, Satire, Scottish Football, Sevco

The ‘Old Firm’ Kitchen


Good Evening.

Regular readers of this attempted blog will know that The Clumpany greatly enjoys the media’s attempts to append almost any word to the redundant term ‘Old Firm’.

Celtic don’t use the phrase, but Sevco and most of the press pack do. Whether they do so as a lazy shorthand for the Hoops and the entity currently calling itself ‘Rangers’, or whether they do it specifically to further the Great Liquidation Lie is anyone’s guess. But I find the constant chaining of the basket of assets bought by Charles Green to Celtic’s success story to be utterly nauseating. And at the same time completely unsurprising.

Sevco, their media cheerleaders, and those who aren’t cheerleaders but who want an easy life all have a vested interest in perpetuating one of the great shameless lies of our time. They ought to be too embarrassed to look themselves in the mirror each morning, but seem to lack the necessary self-respect to experience any discomfort.

As a result (and as I have described this desperate phenomenon on a previous occasion) we end up hearing ‘Old Firm’ this, ‘Old Firm’ that, and ‘Old Firm’ the other from the media all the time.

The Sponsored ‘Old Firm-A-Thon’

And now a new front has been opened in the Great Old Firm Bullshit Campaign:


Yes! That’s right, it’s the ‘Old Firm’ Kitchen!

Food hygiene at public events is clearly important and it is therefore good to see Glasgow City Council doing their job.

It should also be noted that:

“Both clubs received a pass in their hygiene inspection reports but did receive a number of recommendations on how to improve food safety in their kitchens.”

So the assessments didn’t find any terminal problems, although if you read the full article it would appear that the issues raised were more substantive at Sevco. And that’s the point I wanted to highlight: different ‘clubs’, different facilities, different problems and different remedies. So why on Earth lump both situations together under the banner of the ‘Old Firm’ which suggests that this is a joint problem?

Whilst I wouldn’t wish to make too much of this particular article’s Old Firmery, it does provide yet another instance of shackling Sevco to Celtic which is entirely unnecessary and which reinforces the utterly misleading narrative of ‘equivalence’ that is pushed day-in and day-out.

Give it a rest chaps!

I must admit, however, that the article caused me to wonder what sort of things might happen inside an  ‘Old Firm’ Kitchen…

I am sure Stewart Regan could cook up a fantastic Phoenix, to be served (by agreement) five ways. Neil Doncaster would no doubt be balling at the catering staff to “add more Old Firm spice! It’s the only ingredient any of the customers like!”

Doncaster might also agree that the SPFL should pay for the meals of any diners from Sky TV. Stranger things have happened…

Peter Lawwell would naturally reassure everyone that he prefers to eat meals from the ‘Stand Alone’ Kitchen in another part of town. However, no one would be surprised to see him pop his head round the door and ask for a Phoenix Burger to satisfy his secret Old Firm cravings.

However, it could be bad news all round for the Record’s Gary Ralston. As a restaurant reviewer and football journalist, reporting on the creations of the ‘Old Firm’ Kitchen might be a dream gig for him. However, as we all know, he ‘lost his relationship with Rangers*’ earlier this year, so it might not be fair to deploy him in the expectation of balanced reviews being written. 😉

An Appeal For The Missing

A Vigil for The Daily Record

Finally a note of caution. Whatever wonders it might try and perform, I can’t imagine that a real-life ‘Old Firm’ Kitchen would stay open for very long. Even the least intrepid food hygiene investigators in the world will eventually smell the rotting, stinking corpse of dead Rangers lying in the corner…

#KeepOnClumping