Media, Sevco

Winning In 31st Place

Good Evening.

The Clumpany would like to congratulate Sevco fans for getting organised and spending their hard-earned money to propel the Dave Clark Five’s ‘Glad All Over’ all the way to number 31 in the Christmas pop charts!

And without even forcing through a change to the lyrics!

It would be churlish not to applaud them for doing far more to get a Golden Oldie into the charts on the back of the efforts of a non-scoring striker than they ever did to save their first football club. I am sure that the writers and publishers of the song – as well as obscure local charitable outfit Apple Inc. – are delighted by their commitment!

And Mr Custard is doubtless checking his bank account for unexpected deposits…

If past experience is anything to go by, we can now expect the failure of this latest Ibrox-orientated enterprise to be subjected to comprehensive historical revisionism by Sevco fans and the Scottish sports media.

The papers will print the Top 40 with places 1 to 30 blanked out, thus making ‘Glad All Over’ a sort of ‘Number One’. The Evening Shark-Jump will tell us how Rangers* fans have brought ‘chart glory’ to the ‘club’. And the Daily Record will explain that Warbo was inspired by reading about the campaign during his secret flight to and from Spain in an effort to sign Jota Peleteiro.

Clyde SSB will feature a series of Ibrox-sympathising pundits claiming that the gap between 31 and 1 isn’t that big, and Sportsound’s finest will tell us how Sevco’s new anthem was never going to make Number One in their first season ‘back’ in the Premiership. 

Various Sevco fans’ groups will show hostility to anyone who suggests that ‘Glad All Over’s’ No. 31 chart placing isn’t part of the same run at No.1 which began in the early 1960s. If I were Jim Spence I would offer no comment about this matter whatsoever. 😉

And as for STV, they will say nothing, because I have spread a rumour around their offices that the b-side of the single is an obscure little ditty called “The Offshore Game Report Blues”


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