Media, Satire, Scottish Football

An Absent Hero


Good Afternoon.

Somewhere in an office early this morning, an incongruous, ridiculously bright red, old-fashioned telephone started flashing and beeping. 

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

But it went ignored by the staff nearby.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

Still no one reacted.
[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

A rather eerie gust of wind blew through the office, propelling a massive ball of tumbleweed.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

One of the staff looked up, sighed and then resumed their typing.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

One of the cleaning staff ran a cloth over the desk upon which the phone stood. However, he didn’t answer it as it wasn’t his place to touch such an important communications device.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

A couple of people by the watercooler glanced at each other and shook their heads.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

A woman by the vending machine picked up a bar of chocolate, looked at the phone and tutted.

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*BEEP BEEP*]

Two older members of staff stared across their desks at each other, and eventually they spoke

Man 1: “Should he not be in today?”

[*Beep Beep*]

Man 2: “Aye he should. That phone’s supposed to be manned”.

[*Beep Beep*]

Man 1: “It’s not good. He needs to be around just in case ‘He’ is needed to respond to an important matter.”

[*Beep Beep*]

Man 2: “Well I’m not answering it. I don’t have the cape”.

[*Beep Beep*]

Man 1: “Me neither. Car Park Man should be here to answer the call and slide down his pole into action.”

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

Man 2: [Staring at phone] “I wonder what they want? And I wonder why Car Park Man isn’t able to answer?”

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]

[*Beep Beep*]


#KeepOnClumping

NB Car Park Man’s earlier adventures can be found here:

The Car Park Superhero

Car Park Man To The Rescue!

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