Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The ‘Top Secret’ Secret Project


Good Evening.

The Clumpany is working on a Secret Project. So secret in fact, that even I don’t know what it is.  But it is an amazing ‘secret’ Secret Project with

  • bells
  • whistles
  • an underground bunker (a secret one of course, which is not shown on maps)
  • top scientists, who have all signed non-disclosure agreements
  • a media blackout (I code-named the Secret Project “Operation Offshore Game Report” and all questions immediately stopped)
  • strange lights in the sky
  • unexplained howling from nearby woodland; and
  • Men In Black paying a visit to anyone who leaves the project, or who otherwise “sees too much”.

Now, you might think that this sounds like made-up nonsense to get people interested and excited.

You might want to see the evidence for the project and its associated feverish ‘behind-closed-doors’ activity.

But I am afraid that you will just have to take my word for it. This is ‘Top Secret’ secret stuff, and I can only ask you to believe in The Clumpany. And to be excited about the future. Because the secret Secret Project will make everything bright and shiny. You are all going to be so excited and happy because of the secret Secret Project.

A big announcement will be made when the project comes to fruition, and you will all gasp in wonder.

You will certainly appreciate the earlier need for secrecy.

I can’t tell you when the announcement will be made, because that is a ‘Secret Project’ secret too. You just need to trust me on this.

And keep any rumours you hear a complete secret.

No one likes idle speculation. Especially about Secret Projects.

Are we all clear about this?


And remember…

Shhhhh…. It’s a secret.

Meanwhile, in completely unrelated news:

Mark Warburton is a chasing a European goalscoring midfielder to replace crocked Croatian star Niko Kranjcar for the remainder of the season.

The Rangers* boss is hoping to lure the experienced target on loan during the January transfer window but won’t name him for fear of losing him to other clubs.

Ahad of tomorrow’s clash with Aberdeen , he said: “We’re looking at an overseas midfield option for January. I hope we can get a dynamic, goalscoring midfielder.

“I can’t tell you who he is but what I can tell you is there are three or four other clubs in for the same player.

“He has an outstanding pedigree and we are trying to get hold of him. He is an overseas player, playing at a very high level. We hope we can get him.

“We have tried a few and they have fallen through for various reasons.

“It would be a loan deal. If it comes down to the money, we won’t get this player, so therefore we have to offer something different.”