Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Scouting For Success

“Dear Warbo. Have you heard of QR Code Rangers?”

Good Evening.

One of the more entertaining minor exchanges at yesterday’s Sevco AGM concerned the scouting operation.

Regular readers will know that the meeting was the AGM of RIFC which is the holding company of Martin Williams’ finest comedy offering, which operates the ‘club’, which absolutely no one in Sevconia can define. 

It’s a wonder the universe didn’t collapse at the Clyde Auditorium.

But I digress. Here are some journalistic accounts of what was said about the Sevco scouting operation during the AGM’s Q&A:

Fair play to the brave soul who asked about Joey Barton signing for Sevco. I’ll be fascinated to hear what the Sevco PR dungeon is like…

However, it is a shame that they didn’t ask for absolute clarity over 

  • who decided it was a good idea to recruit him; and 
  • whether his contract will ultimately be paid up in full

Because answers to those questions might help to address wider concerns about 

  • who is really pulling the strings of Sevco’s signing policy; and 
  • how much money (if any) has been freed up for other signings by Barton’s departure.

Oh well. Perhaps the press pack will decide to pursue these points? Assuming that they have found a way to neutralise the effects of the verbal diarrhoea-suppressant allegedly taken by Sevco’s top brass yesterday.

Medical Breakthrough at Sevco

At least The Warbmeister provided the assembled journalists with some cause for excitement yesterday during his reflections on the Barton saga. Upon hearing him say that “Hindsight is a marvellous thing” the Evening Shark-Jump immediately ran a headline about transfer target ‘Mr Hindsight’ who was completely mysterious but absolutely certain to boost Sevco’s title credentials.

The Clumpany savoured the moment when Warbo was briefly possessed by Eric Cantona and came out with talk of fish and fishermen. It just needed a few seagulls to be mentioned and there would have been a really easy “Prestigious Brighton friendly for Gers*” headline for the press pack. 

I can’t believe that Jim Traynor failed to spot that opportunity, and suspect that his boss James Traynor could have a stern word with him about his appalling oversight. Who knows, perhaps there might even be another full-blown PR inquiry?

The Sevco PR Inquiry

Warbo insisted that he should be judged by the 21 players that Sevco have signed on his watch. This immediately promoted detachments from the Bampot Community to visit various medical facilities, pension queues and unharmed barn doors to assess the contributions of Messers Senderos, Hill, Kranjcar and Garner etc in order to form a judgement. Once they stop laughing I will publish their detailed findings.

The Warbmeister and King also spoke about changed times and the increased competition for players from rich clubs in England. However, they did this without once stopping to reflect upon the crucial facts that 

  • there has also been a change of clubs at Ibrox; and 
  • Sevco’s resources (deficit-driven though they may be) simply cannot be compared to the financially-doped Rangers FC. 

And of course there was absolutely no suggestion from the dynamic duo of quite how Sevco are going to close the gap with Celtic. Celtic who have also been priced out of the English transfer market as shown by…err… their signings of Scott Sinclair, Moussa Dembele and (it could certainly be argued) Kolo Touré…

However, my favourite question was about whether Sevco have scouts overseas or whether they solely rely on the contacts book of Super Scout Frank McParland.

Let’s face it, Warbo’s answer that Sevco have some contacts in Europe who recommend players which they then ‘do homework’ on was rather unimpressive. So unimpressive in fact that I hear Sevco’s PR operation now plans to break exciting  news about the ‘club’ having a physical scouting presence in Europe.

It may sound amazing on paper, but I am afraid that the details are somewhat less spectacular. It turns out that Wee Stevie the Sevco IT guy is about to go to Ibiza on a long-planned Stag Do and will take his laptop with him. He won’t actually turn it on – as it could prove quite expensive if he doesn’t find any free WiFi – but his continental presence WILL allow gushing stories to be run about Sevco’s Spanish-based scout!

You have to wonder what Sevco’s potential ‘co-investors’ make of all this scouting excellence?

If they have any sense they will be looking at the ‘free agents’ list during the next transfer window and hoping the folk on it are happy to be paid in magic beans. 

For 48 weeks a year. 😉