Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Laughing Policeman

Good Evening.
The Clumpany was amused to see Walter Smith in the news again today. I say ‘amused’ in a roundabout sort of way. 

Because The Cardigan has never really been a candidate to be a bill-topping stand-up comedian, or the star of a sitcom in which his character ends up experiencing ‘hilarious consequences’ at dinner parties, the squash club or while trying out a new garden hose.

No, the comedy came because I saw his picture on my Twitter timeline courtesy of a news outlet and before I even read the words, I KNEW what he would have been saying:

Who could have guessed that ‘One Trick’ Walter Smith would be quoted saying Sevco need to spend more money to improve the team?  

Asking Smith a question is like asking the Laughing Policeman for his views on a funeral. No matter how ridiculous it might be, you know exactly the response you are going to get. Just as the Policeman will fall about laughing so hard that his kidneys leave his body through his nostrils, Smith will say that Sevco need to spend.

Spend spend spend spend spend.

It seems to be the only way for Smith, despite everything that led to him having to “wish the new Rangers Football Club every good fortune” in 2012…

You might expect a few lessons to have been learned.

But perhaps not…

Q: “Would you like a cup of tea, Walter?”

A: “Rangers* need to spend more in January”


Q: “Do you prefer Coronation Street or Eastenders?”

A: “Rangers* must invest”


Q: “Is that a new cardigan, Mr Smith?”

A: “It is important for the board to back the manager” 


Q: “Do you think Rangers’* going concern warning will affect the team?”

A: “The fans expect money to be spent on players. You can’t say no to them”.


Q: Would you sign an autograph for me Mr Smith?

[*Smith scribbles*]

Q: “What’s that? That isn’t your name Mr Smith. It says ‘Spending spree needed in January'”

[*Smith stares*]


Q: “But didn’t Rangers go bust after spending money they didn’t have?”

A: [*This question would never be asked of Walter Smith. Time to end the blog*]

Thanks @sneckietim!


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