Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

We’re Going To Need A Smaller Ruler

Good Evening.

Earlier tonight, The Clumpany called to mind the below article from the Evening Shark-Jump.

The article – published yesterday (8 November 2016) – used the words ‘edges nearer’, which implied a bit of momentum in Joey’s move towards the door at Sevco.

And I will freely admit that today’s PA copy – as reproduced by talkSPORT – gave the distinct impression that Joey’s all-too-brief visit to Sevconia was DEFINITELY approaching its end.

Joey Barton LATEST: Midfielder set to leave Rangers after agreeing severance deal

Here is the key quote 

At the time of writing, ‘Wednesday’ is rapidly running out and there is still no news of Barton agreeing to leave. This would appear to accord with the latest tidings of Phil Mac Giolla Bhain who reports some tension between player and ‘club’.

Perhaps it is worth considering quite what the ESJ meant by ‘edges nearer’ in its report? Did they perhaps mean ‘inching’ towards the door?

If so, the subsequently-elapsed time either suggests that Barton was on the planet Neptune at the start of the negotiations, and hence somewhat distant; or ‘inching’ was the wrong term entirely!

Maybe ‘half-inching’ would be a better description? Then again, perhaps not. After all, ‘half-inch’ suggests ‘stealing’ in rhyming slang, and we all know that Joey Barton bought that coffee machine which he later removed from the Sevco first team dining room!

Alternatively we could perhaps measure it in ‘eights of an inch’? 

On reflection the sensible choice might simply be to buy a ‘smaller’ ruler and measure Barton’s progress towards the much-heralded ‘mutual consent’ exit door in millimetres. Or perhaps half-millimetres, just to be absolutely sure.
Of course, the ultimate in ‘preparing for all eventualities’ would be to buy a microscope. That way interested observers could monitor the progress towards Barton’s departure more accurately than the MSM AND survey the full contents of Dave King’s war chest when it is finally emptied…