Media, Sevco

Viva Las Sevco!


Good Evening.

Earlier today The Clumpany received interesting tidings from the Stewart Regan Armageddon Studies wing of Clumpany Towers. 

Top Clumpany physicists had just published the preliminary results of their latest project, and were extremely keen to share their findings with me. Having spent four years looking into both the distant future and the forces which bind the cosmos together, they had concluded that only one thing would survive the final heat death of the universe: Derek Johnstone’s unwillingness to criticise anything to do with Sevco.

I must admit that this came as something of a surprise as I thought the cluelessness and faux-management speak of Neil Doncaster would be the only things to echo throughout all eternity. However, my scientists are of the highest ethereal standard and I see no reason to doubt their work.

Their findings were timely, as DJ continues to wibble in the face of all the evidence that Sevco are a pretty poor side, their signings mediocre, their manager beleaguered, and their finances…errr… troubled. I think we already know what Chris Sutton would make of it, but it was good to have some scientific proof of Johnstone’s elemental buffoonery.

Chris Sutton v Yesterday’s Pundit

To be fair to DJ however, he’s not the only one who is all ‘over the shop’. That ludicrous ‘Going for 55’ campaign which Sevco themselves promoted and which some hacks happily regurgitated is certainly coming back to bite them on the arse. Like some sort of zombie dog that’s owed money and has a bark easily mistaken for the words ‘liquidation lies’.

Land of Boak and Glory!

We’ve gone from being told that Sevco are Celtic’s ‘title rivals’ to being informed that ‘actually, there is a gap between the two. BUT NOT THAT MUCH OF A GAP. It was never very realistic to expect Sevco to win the league. Second will do very nicely, thank you’.

However, given Sevco’s lacklustre draw against Ross County on Sunday which left them third in the table, what are the odds on that narrative soon being downgraded still further to ‘top three and European football would an absolutely amazing achievement!’? 

With further revisions following as the weeks pass by…

Sevco’s season was meant to be like someone jetting you out – all expenses paid – to Las Vegas to win big at the casino. But the reality has been like getting a misfiring bus into town to play on a battered fruit machine at the pensioners’ club using a few coins you found in the gutter.

It’s really not living up to the hype. 

Of course, this isn’t a surprise to anyone who engaged their critical faculties before the start of the season. But as we all know, the starting point for both the ‘club’ and media is always to engage the ‘pretend liquidation never happened and assume Rangers* should be winning everything’ autopilot. Even though it creates wholly unrealistic expectations and ultimately embarrasses those who facilitate the hype. 

The justification in the media for pumping out the pish-spiked Kool-Aid is that ‘it sells’. That may well be the case. But at what cost? What sort of long-term future is there for media outlets who are mainly becoming known for having huge piles of their own bullsh*t blowing up in their faces on a regular basis?

#KeepOnClumping

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