Celtic, Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Sevco Have One Of Those Too…

Sevco’s unicorn is probably better-looking than Celtic’s…

Good Evening. 

The Clumpany sees no reason to further highlight the names of youth players, so I won’t post pictures or articles about them. However we have all seen the recent stories about a youngster in the Celtic ranks getting to play for a team well above his usual age group, and also for Scotland U-16s.

A number of social media commentators have remarked on how – a few days later – it suddenly turned out that Sevco also had a hitherto-unmentioned ‘starlet’ in their ranks. One who is apparently attracting the attention of Arsenal, Barcelona, Chelsea and Manchester United, depending upon which media outlet you read.

The Clumpany has previously reported upon the exploits of the Daily Record’s special reporter ‘Brand’ the parrot. 

Meet ‘Brand’ The Parrot

You may remember that he spends his time searching out stories which suggest ‘brand parity’ between Celtic and Sevco [yes it is still an awful pun, but I like it… 😉]. 

Brand (who is of course a Norwegian Blue…) has been really busy of late. We even got to see a glimpse of him ‘in disguise’ yesterday in an Evening Shark-Jump piece about Sevco’s highly-rated youngster…

Norwegian Blue in disguise… Allegedly.

Clearly, any attempt to suggest brand parity between Celtic and Sevco remains utterly hilarious. No matter how many current players or Rangers (RIP) ‘legneds’ pop up to reassure the faithful that the gap isn’t that big, and will be closed ‘soon’, the truth of the matter is that there is a gulf between the sides. A gulf that we really should expect given that one side has a long track record of winning trophies on a sustainable basis, while the other is four years old and surviving on loans while maintaining a colossal cost base in an effort to pretend that it is an entity which… errrr… died as a result of spending beyond its means!

Nevertheless, The Clumpany sees absolutely nothing to suggest that anyone reporting on Sevco will cease pretending that they are Celtic’s equals anytime soon.

The way things are going, I fully expect an outbreak of absolute desperation, which might lead to the following stories:

“Rangers* surge back to level terms with Celtic as they play the same number of league fixtures once again”.

“Rangers* and Celtic cut a dash as they mow pitches in ‘catch-us-if-you-can’ challenge to rest of Premiership”.

“Rangers* rock Scottish football by having tyres on their team bus, just like Celtic”.

“Rangers* Champions League battle. ‘Opening that can of Irn-Bru in front of the TV was as tough as playing against Messi’ said exhausted first team player”.

“Rangers* players say ‘mind the Gap’ as they challenge Celtic’s ‘Earliest Christmas Shopper’ title credentials by overwhelming famous clothing store”.

“Rangers* match Celtic’s glory by winning Big Cup (in a raffle at a Sports Direct shop…).

“Innovative wi-fi unveiled at Ibrox. ‘Easily a match for Celtic Park’ says spokesperson.”

And perhaps…

“Universal joy as experts confirm that the ‘Old Firm’ has never owed a penny to anyone”…