Celtic, Champions League, Scottish Football

Joey Barton’s Passing Statistics

Good Morning.

I am sure we all remember the boasting when Joey Barton – Scotland’s Player of the Year 2016-17 – signed for Sevco during the summer. Celtic captain Scott Brown was a particular focus of his gleeful comments. For example:

“Without being disrespectful to the players up there, people keep talking about Joey Barton v Scott Brown. He’s not even in my league – he’s nowhere near the level of player I am.”

“He can’t get near me. If I play well, Brown does not stand a chance. That’s not me being blase – that’s just me stating what I believe.”

“But you know what? I’m comfortable with that. I’m comfortable with expectation, with pressure, with my own focus and performance. If I get to that level then unfortunately for everyone up there, they won’t be able to live with me.”

We can also recall how the now-perpetually-suspended Barton didn’t even manage to come off second-best in his much-hyped ‘confrontation’ with Brown in the Celtic’s 5-1 hammering of Sevco In September.

Scott Brown cruised through to the next round of ‘Footballer Death Stare 2016’

The evidence seems pretty clear-cut: Barton was talking Grade A nonsense before the start of the season. However, it is always good to have a bit of data to provide confirmation. And so The Clumpany thought it might be helpful to compare Scott Brown’s passing statistics in the Champions League group stage with Barton’s own recent passing performances.

Here are Brown’s statistics:

v Barcelona – 94%

v Manchester City – 91%

v A German Team 😉 – 96%

v The same German Team – 96%

Those are pretty impressive, especially given that that they were achieved on the biggest stage in club football.

And what about Barton? Well, top Clumpany data-gatherers have been working through the night, and I am delighted to be able to bring you the following information:

“Pass me the driver.”

“Pass me the 4 iron.”

“Pass me the putter.”

“Pass me the salt.”

“Pass me the pepper.”

“Pass me the parcel.”

“No, I said pass ME the parcel! I don’t care if this is a children’s party game. I’m a winner in everything I do!”

“Pass me another 5,000 copies of my autobiography to sign. I need something to do.”

“Pass me the sick bucket. I can’t read these nauseating Scottish match reports any more.”

“Pass me the remote control. I don’t fancy watching Celtic in Europe tonight.”

“Pass me a ‘club’ tie for my hearing.”

“Pass up a £2m payoff by walking away for nothing? You must be joking!”

“Pass me my payslip. KERCHING!”

I am sure we can all agree that despite the versatility of Barton’s passing play, there is only one winner in his duel with Brown…