Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Secret Of Paying Your Bills


Good Afternoon. [And thank you for voting for me in the Football Blogging Awards!] 

It is often the little asides or additional comments in Scotland’s sports pages that provide the most entertainment. 

OK then, the only entertainment.

And that’s at a stretch.

On a good day.

When the stars align correctly.

And when I am in a tolerant mood.

Nevertheless, we all should be thankful for small interesting mercies when they wash up on the beach of Bampot despair, carried by a tsunami of MSM pish. 

And so it was today that an otherwise unremarkable Sunday Mail piece about how Warbo was ‘backing’ Lee Wallace to “star” for Scotland against England proved to be unexpectedly rewarding!

Mark Warburton backs Rangers captain Lee Wallace to shine for Scotland at Wembley

This is what The Warbmeister had to say:

“I’d have no doubts about Lee playing for Scotland. He’s a top class professional and outstanding captain of our club. So I’d never have any worries about Lee.

He scored a very good goal today and the first half especially was our best performance of the season so far. It was a good 90 minutes’ work.”

Incidentally, have you ever noticed how newspapers always gleefully report managers and former ‘club’ legends backing players to do something impressive? It happens quite often.

Sadly, the uplifting effect of such endorsement is rather undermined when you stop and think about how unlikely it is that they would actually say “nah mate, he’s shite. He’ll f*ck it up at the first sign of pressure. He’d be better off staying at home than ever playing football again. Someone should tell him to get tae f*ck before he ruins our season”.

You NEVER see that, do you?

I digress… Perhaps we should simply applaud Warbo for backing his captain despite his rather unimpressive part in the build-up to Celtic’s winning goal in the recent League Cup Semi-Final?

What happened Lee?!

Given the MSM’s angst over Wallace’s non-selection for Scotland earlier this year, let us hope that he actually gets a game, if only for the sake of our eyeballs and eardrums.

FFS Yet Another Lee Wallace Blog!

But now to the main point of this blog, which was to highlight a curious revelation in the above-mentioned Sunday Mail piece. Having also reported Warbo’s enthusiasm about Sevco’s win against Kilmarnock yesterday, and the heroic contribution of “flying winger” Michael O’Halloran, the article stated the following

“Warburton is set to be backed in the January transfer window by chairman Dave King as he looks to get Rangers closer to league leaders Celtic.

After the 3-0 win over Killie, the Gers gaffer said: ‘The communication here is very strong, I speak to Andrew Dickson and Stewart Robertson at the club every day. That’s what we do. We have constant communication so the support I’ve had here has always been very strong.'”

Hmmm. So Dave King is set to ‘back’ Warbo in the January transfer window, and the communication at Sevco is strong, eh?

The way these two things are conflated leads me to conclude that Sevco have discovered a way that communication can be spent in the transfer market! And if that is the case, then I think that they have really hit the jackpot! So much so that Dermott Desmond and Peter Lawwell are probably already sitting on the toilet rather than risk repeatedly soiling their trousers through fear of Sevco’s spending power!

I mean, imagine all those Sevco statements turned into Transfer Market Currency! And just think about the implications if comedy statements and a lack of self-awareness carry a premium?! 

KERCHING! KERCHING! KERCHING!

If Lionel Messi hadn’t already been rebuffed by Warbo he would surely be boarding a plane to Glasgow right now!

And the  there are the fawning unchallenging press conferences with Warbo and (when he is around…) Dave King himself. They have to be worth at least three Ronaldos or maybe Moussa Dembele’s little finger! 😉

And what about Level5 and Jim Traynor? If their outstanding contribution to the cause of Sevco communications is convertible to Transfer Market Currency, then The Clumpany believes that everyone’s favourite four-year-old institution could ultimately branch out and dominate ALL sport.

Sevco-branded athletes could win every single medal at the next Olympics and triumph in every Tour de France until the end of time. Hell, if TV executives brought back ‘Bullseye’, Sevco would have top darts players and Professor Stephen Hawking teaming up every week to win a speedboat. One of which would then be used to win the America’s Cup for Britain for the first time.

I know what you are thinking: “the America’s Cup is a sailing competition. No motor-powered boats are allowed”.

However, you should rest assured that in the event of the ‘same club’ achieving huge-but-novel power in the transfer market and unlikely success on the open sea, it will secure absolutely no sporting advantage whatsoever.

‘Again’.

#KeepOnClumping