Good Evening. [And please ‘vote Clumpany’ on Twitter and the FBA website!]
The next time that Leigh Griffiths is left on the subs bench by Scotland’s Tallest Man, he might like to pass the time by reading a new series of ‘Classic Movie Reviews’ which Gordon Strachan is preparing for publication.
A short extract of this possibly imaginary book has made its way to Clumpany Towers, and I am delighted to present it for your information…
Star Wars: 0/10. Unrealistic. No credible Rebellion would trust galaxy-saving plans to a tiny droid like that. They should have given it to that huge robot from The Day The Earth Stood Still, instead. ‘Gort’ is a great name for a robot. Could easily be mistaken for ‘Gordon’. We are similar heights too.
The Empire Strikes Back: 0/10. Appalling. If Yoda had been a proper height more befitting of a Jedi Master he wouldn’t have ended up living in a swamp. Too short to coach apprentices too. A big thumbs down for the Dagobah youth system from me.
Return of the Jedi: 0/10. Abysmal. If you can’t destroy a bunker without relying on short-arsed teddy bears you deserve to get vaporised by fully operational-if-unfinished Death Star.
The Wizard of Oz: 0/10. Munchkins? Get off my Yellow Brick Road and don’t come back unless you can make a big contribution by looking me in the eye and saying ‘stop messing about and use the magic shoes’.
Goldfinger: 0/10. Oddjob? Aye pal, you will end up doing odd jobs if you aren’t able to get up for a header at a corner.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: 0/10. A full subs bench and they all need a ladder to be able to sit on it. Snow White definitely isn’t going to Russia 2018.
The Fellowship of the Ring: 0/10. The Shire? The Shite more like. Those Hobbits need a wizard to help carry a ring for Heaven’s sake! Get some bigger lads on the job!
The Borrowers: 0/10. Why isn’t it just about the big folk instead? The ‘Borrowers’ just remind me of the fuss when I didn’t pick any players from Ibrox.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: 0/10. Oompa Loompa? I don’t want to think about Scotland’s style of play while watching a film thank you very much.
The Clumpany is sure that Leigh Griffiths will find the book a great source of comfort as his striking talents go to waste on the international stage…
NB The Clumpany has somehow made it through to the final of the Football Blogging Awards 2016, in the ‘Best New Blog’ catgegory! Many thanks for all your votes so far.
All votes cast in the first round have been rolled over to the final, but you can (and should!) vote again in the following ways:
- Completing the form on the FBA website by clicking here and selecting ‘The Clumpany’ from the appropriate drop-down menu.
- On twitter, by clicking here.
You can cast a vote on BOTH Twitter and the website. Voting concludes on 28 October with the winners announced on 17 November 2016.