Celtic, Media

A Series Of Celtic Scandals

Good Morning. [And please ‘vote Clumpany’ on Twitter and the FBA website!]

Having looked at today’s papers, The Clumpany notes with some consternation that Celtic are bad. Very bad indeed.

It pains me to say this, but the news is full of distressing Celtic tidings which suggest that Celtic have been doing terrible things.

Celtic Scotland with the Celtic manager and some Celtic players lost to Slovakia in a World Cup qualifier last night. No doubt the Celtic SFA will once again take no responsibility for the shambles and Celtic Stewart Regan will remain in post and able to further his Celtic agenda.

Away from football, Celtic continue to be troubled by questions about the use of Celtic drugs in Celtic British cycling. And the Celtic Russian doping scandal threatens to engulf dozens of sports.

In the world of politics, the Celtic Brexit continues to worry a lot of individuals and businesses as the Celtic pound slides on the international markets, while the prospect of Celtic Donald Trump becoming Celtic US President strikes fear into the hearts of millions of people around the world.

In the field of Celtic historical research, it is now being suggested that Richard III was a Celtic fan and was seen wearing a green and white scarf prior to the disappearance of the Princes in the Tower. Worse still, on the basis of as-yet-unpublished research, experts have now started referring to a certain notorious Victorian serial killer as Jack the ‘Celtic’ Ripper.

And in Celtic transport news, Celtic Scotrail continue to fail to improve on their woeful Celtic punctuality record.

But the most striking Celtic news of the Celtic day is that Celtic players and officials – yes CELTIC players and officials (have you got that? CELTIC PLAYERS AND OFFICIALS) have apparently been caught up in a Celtic ‘tax dodge’.

Rumours that Celtic players and officials have used their own money as private individuals to invest in various schemes, and that Celtic Football Club met the requirements of the law to pay tax and National Insurance contributions to their employees remain unconfirmed.

I look forward to tomorrow’s papers where I expect to see the word ‘Celtic’ deployed in a suggestive manner in all sorts of hilarious ways.


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