Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

An Appeal For The Missing

Good Evening.

The Clumpany wouldn’t ordinarily make a direct appeal to its followers (except perhaps the daily appeal for you to be extremely patient with me…). However, tonight I have to trouble you with an urgent matter which cannot be allowed to pass.

I need your help. But more importantly,  those less fortunate than most of us also need your assistance. So please read this blog, and if you can, please lend your active support to this special Clumpany appeal.

On 16 August 2016, the Daily Record’s Gary Ralston was reported as ‘lamenting the loss of his relationship’ with the latest Ibrox-based football club. 

The cause of the disappearance was a disputed account of whether Stewart Regan had arranged a meeting with Sevco to discuss the independent report into the depressing scenes which followed the Scottish Cup Final.

You can read my original woe-filled analysis of the ‘crisis’ here:

A Vigil for The Daily Record

The Clumpany won’t lie to you. I have constantly been on the edge of tears ever since I read of Ralston’s predicament. I really don’t know how Gary has coped. 

And I am not the only one who has been concerned. Day after day a succession of string quartets have hammered on the doors of Clumpany Towers wanting to provide a suitably mournful accompaniment to my lament for Gary’s lost relationship with Sevco. Which is of course the ‘same club’ as Rangers, about whom he wrote a book entitled ‘The Gallant Pioneers’.

Earlier today, a quick glance at The Clumpany’s ‘Guffaw Diary’ informed me that almost seven weeks have passed since the original heart-rending piece was published by the Daily Record! And a sense of panic suddenly filled my ethereal heart! I found myself utterly shaken by the realisation that the Daily Record has still not confirmed whether Gary has found his lost relationship with ‘Rangers’. 

Given that the Record is never slow to trumpet any sort of good Ibrox-related news, I found it hard to believe that this was a mere oversight on their part. So I naturally concluded that Gary has not found it.

This. Will. Not. Do.

The Clumpany will not stand idly by and see the Record’s finest estranged from Sevco. It could turn out to be the thin end of the wedge, and we might end up hearing gut-wrenching tales of journalist after journalist suddenly finding their hitherto-great relationship with the Sevco hierarchy and players disappearing into Glasgow’s very own version of the Bermuda Triangle. I mean, can you imagine the scenes if this misfortune ultimately spread to staff working at the Evening Shark-Jump?!

This prospect is simply too appalling to be allowed to happen, so I plead with you now: please help to find Gary’s lost relationship with Sevco. I am sure the Record is standing by twenty-four hours a day to take your call or read your tweet.

The Clumpany appreciates that Scottish football fans are busy folk, and that not everybody likes the Daily Record. But some things are simply too big for petty concerns and deserve a collective and compassionate response.

Please, please, please. If you have any information about the whereabouts of Gary’s relationship with Sevco, PLEASE let the Daily Record know.

Your information could be vital, and could have a profound influence on the level of Ibrox-related guff pumped out by the paper which once called Craig Whyte a ‘billionaire’.

Many thanks in advance. Let’s help #GaryAndSevco to be friends again.