Clumpany Matters, Media

Absolutely Cream Crackered


Oh hello.

You’ve dropped by to see what’s happening at Clumpany Towers today, haven’t you?

That’s nice.

[*Sigh*]

[*Drums fingers on table*]

[*Sigh*]

I suppose you want me to say something entertaining, don’t you?

[*Sigh*]

[*Pours glass of tepid water*]

[*Sips*]

[*Sigh*]

[*Sips again*]

[*Sigh*]

Oh, you’re still here, are you? The grass outside is looking well for this time of year, isn’t it?

[*Sigh*]

[*Sips more water*]

[*Takes a nibble of a plain cream cracker*]

Yes, if you stare at the grass for long enough, you can see it grow. I keep a daily diary of how much taller it is at the end of each day. It’s a great read.

[*Sigh*]

[*Nibbles cream cracker*]

[*Sips water*]

[*Sigh*]

They don’t half make you thirsty these cream crackers, don’t they? It’s like eating sand. Not that I eat sand. So I don’t actually know what sand tastes like. But I imagine that if you were to eat it, you’d be left feeling thirsty. You would probably say to the next person you saw ‘Hi! That sand was a bit dry. It was like eating a cream cracker’. And then you would go on your way. Because it’s not really worth a longer discussion. Cream crackers are dry. And so is sand.

[*Sigh*]

[*Sips water*]

Although I can imagine that if you spread sand ON a cream cracker, that would be REALLY dry. The Saharan desert of snacks. It makes me feel thirsty just thinking about it.

[*Sigh*]

[*Sips water. Twice*]

I see you are still here looking for entertainment. I can offer you a cream cracker and some water if you like? I’ve no sand though. 

No? You’re fine? OK then.

[*Sigh*]

[*Drums fingers on table*]

I’ve just redecorated one of the rooms in Clumpany Towers. It took me ages. I like to watch every brushstroke dry before doing the next one. And I take pictures as each one dries. Someone said I should ditch the camera and get an landscape artist in to paint oil pictures of the wall drying. But where would be the fun in that? 

I think it’s better to capture the action of paint drying in a more immediate fashion. In fact, I’m thinking of setting up video cameras the next time I paint, so that I can relive the drying excitement from multiple angles at a later date. I might invite some friends round to watch it. We could have cream crackers and water too. I might even get some sand in. Would you be interested in coming along? 

No? OK.

[*Sigh*]

[*Sigh*]

Ooh. Did the grass just grow a bit, there? I think it did! What do you think?

Oh, maybe it didn’t then.

[*Sigh*]

I can see you need to leave now. Would you like to take some of my paint-drying photo albums with you to look at in your own time?

No?

OK then. I hope you’ve enjoyed your visit and it wasn’t too boring.

[*Sigh*]

Oh, and remember to have a look at my latest press cutting on the way out…


#KeepOnClumping

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