Good Morning. [And please ‘vote Clumpany’!]
You may have heard that Sevco were absolutely hammered in their recent league game against Celtic, which those of a liquidation-denying, intelligence-insulting tendency mistakenly referred to as an ‘Old Firm derby’. I assume the lies must help them to sleep better at night, but they are still lies when they wake up in the morning with a crushing sense of shame. Oh, well…
However, if you are a Sevco fan who is still feeling downbeat, the Herald has some great news for you.
YOU HAVE BEATEN CELTIC!
And you did it last night!
You may have thought that your Light Blue lads were labouring against – and then overwhelming – a Queen of the South side which crumbled shortly after
- Harry ‘Ouch That Has Got To Hurt’ Forrester managed not to be sent off for a brutal ‘challenge’ on Jordan Matthews; and
- Sevco scored their second goal.
And you would be right! Sevco did indeed beat the Doonhamers, but they also got one over the five-in-a-row Scottish Champions!
“How did that happen? And does the world’s most successful pretendy club now get a trophy?”, I hear you ask.
Well, unfortunately, despite the glorious nature of the victory over their Glasgow neighbours, there is no trophy. But fear not! The triumph is its own world-shaking reward. And here it is:
Yes, that’s right. The Herald is shouting about Sevco’s triumph in “beating” Celtic into the League Cup semi-finals. Not beating them IN the semi-finals, but being them TO the semi-finals. As in ‘they got into the next round before Celtic did’.
Isn’t that absolutely marvellous? The fact that Celtic haven’t yet played their quarter-final tie against Alloa ‘Always Cheating’ Athletic is entirely immaterial.
For Sevco are triumphant, and Celtic are humiliated! And that is fantastic news if you follow the latest Ibrox club. I am sure that we are all eagerly awaiting footage of a celebratory open-top bus parade in the near future.
The Clumpany is also looking forward to reading about further Sevco triumphs over Celtic during the weeks ahead. For example:
- “Rangers* steal a march on Celtic by suspending a player first!”.
- “Rangers* defeat Celtic in race to secure loans to see out season”.
- “Celtic humiliated by crashing out of Champions League before *Gers”.
- “*Gers top ‘Rust-Removal League’ as Celtic struggle to put a gloss on it”.
- “Celtic look on with envy as frequent visitors Rangers* secure prestigious Court of Session season ticket”. 😉
And perhaps also…
- “Celtic’s Rodgers Revolution crumbles as Barry Ferguson is appointed Rangers* manager“.
How will Celtic manage to cope with all these defeats?
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