Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Insights From The Beating Heart Of Capitalism

“Hi I’ve been asked to call for a taxi. I’m not sure who it’s for, but they said I should give the name ‘Warburton’ to avoid confusion”

Good Evening. [And please vote ‘Clumpany’!]

Well that was quite an eventful weekend in Scottish football! Hearts lost to St Johnstone, who climbed towards the top of the table, and the Dons may finally be firing again. Meanwhile, Celtic somehow contrived to drop two points against ICT and their goalkeeper Owain Fon Williams, who was ‘on fire’ to the extent that 400 fire engines were surrounding the stadium at the final whistle following the concerned ‘999’ calls of countless TV viewers. And then there was Sevco, who are now unfortunately down to fifth place despite having inflicted the most crushing 0-0 victory you will ever see upon the more experienced top-flight side, Ross County.

The Clumpany will freely admit to enjoying Chris Sutton’s comments about Sevco today, wherein he boldly proclaimed that The Warbmeister isn’t up to the job, and mocked his recent complaints about negative media coverage. Sutton even went so far as to highlight that ‘Rangers’ actually “had their pants pulled down” by Celtic last week. 

Chris Sutton NOT Being Your Average Pundit

The fact that Sutton made this quip so soon after Sevco’s ‘Armed Forces Day’ spectacle led me to wonder if there might be a joke to make about the inexperienced Warbo ‘going commando’ in his approach to top flight football. However, nothing witty immediately sprang to mind…

Whatever you think about Sutton as a pundit (and he does try too hard sometimes) his comments about Sevco and their manager in recent weeks have been highly entertaining. I say ‘entertaining’ rather than ‘incisive’ because although Sutton often makes very good points about the latest Ibrox club, they wouldn’t seem half as dramatic if that hilarious outfit wasn’t the subject of such unrelenting fawning from most of the press pack nearly all of the time! 

Sutton tends to call things as he genuinely sees them, which is not a charge that could ever be levelled at most of Scotland’s Sevco-concerned sports journalists. As such, Chris Sutton should be applauded, and we can only hope that he helps to break a mould which is so hard-set that I think it may be made of reinforced concrete encased in a six inch-thick layer of diamonds.

But I digress… 

The main point of this particular blog is to reflect upon Warbo’s continuing excuse-a-thon for Sevco’s mediocre start to the season…

I particularly enjoyed his views on whether recent poor results and the Joey Barton bust-up had had an effect on the run-up to yesterday’s Ross County game…

“We wanted to go back to basics. I always compare it to the money markets and when you lose a lot of money on one day you don’t get it all back the following day.”

“But the Gers boss was tight-lipped on the 34-year-old’s future. He said: ‘We won’t make any comment on any player when there is an internal matter that’s being dealt with by the club. How much did it affect us? Not at all. That’s part of the challenges. If you work on a building site and bricks don’t turn up you’ve got a problem. So it’s just another matter that you deal with.”

Yes Mark, managing a football team is exactly like a building site. And what glorious insight to learn that if you lose a lot of money on the markets you don’t tend to get it back the following day! Because we all thought that the financial markets are an elaborate magic trick wherein disappearing money always reappears at some point soon!

Warbo’s comments practically invite a reverse-comparison, and I wondered what brickies on a building site would say if they were asked to describe what Sevco’s current difficulties are like

So I asked several of the fine lads who are currently constructing yet another spire on top of  Clumpany Towers for their views. And – to a man – they agreed that Sevco and Warbo’s problems are 

“just like an ordinary but desperately-overhyped manager who had almost no money to spend during the summer. A manager who now finds himself saddled with some ageing players who can’t gloss over the fact that it is much more difficult to get three points when you are now up against full-time top-flight opponents week in and week out”.


They also pointed out that (unlike Warbo’s City parallels) if you lost a lot of money paying high wages to the likes of Barton, Hill, Senderos and Krancjar at this stage in their careers, there is no way that you could get it back the next day. Or indeed at any time prior to the final heat death of the universe.

As you can tell, the brickies on-site at Clumpany Towers are no mugs.

Apparently their insights stem from no longer believing the effluent pumped out by the newspapers, and from thinking for themselves…


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