Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Really, Really, REALLY Small Mercies

Good Evening. [And please Vote ‘Clumpany’!]

The Clumpany doesn’t overlook many significant developments, but I must have missed Mark Warburton going on holiday to Lilliput and arranging Sevco’s imminent participation in the Lilliputian football league.

Because that is surely the only reason for his comments today about taking “micro-positives” from Sevco’s hammering by Celtic last weekend. A result which seems to have created a sense of meltdown around everyone’s favourite faked football outfit. 

Somehow, with the help of a microscope, Warbo has seemingly managed to find some atoms of comfort which could only be of assistance if his lads were to play in the tiniest of leagues, for the smallest of prizes. [NB I mean even smaller than last season’s Perpetual Failure Cup win…].

It is said that money dominates football these days, and so it seems appropriate that Sevco should play their trade in a league befitting the magnitude of Dave King’s warchest.

In Warbo’s rather curious ‘interview’ with Keith Jackson today, these micro-positives are listed as “the performances of Josh Windass, James Tavernier and Wes Foderingham”. Now, I don’t wish to sneer (OK, that’s a lie…) but positives don’t come much smaller than a goalkeeper who shipped five goals in a local derby [unless of course your goalkeeper shipped  seven in midweek! 😉]. 

I can’t help but feel that The Warbmeister really ought to put down the Big Book Of Wibbly Wobbly Warbo Wailing, take his team’s crushing defeat on the chin, and move on.

But just in case Warbo can’t move on (and I have a feeling that he might struggle) here are some other “micro- positives” he might like to take from his current predicament. 

  • Joey Barton apparently only wants the best for the team, and is as committed to raising standards as his manager, who he doesn’t think is completely clueless.
  • Barton has shown that it is possible for a Sevco employee to speak freely to a media outlet without having their remarks PR’d to within an inch of their lives. Go for it Mark! You know you want to!
  • Dave King is going to invest his children’s inheritance in the club, so some better players may yet arrive! No really. He said he would. So he will!
  • Warbo isn’t an ex-Ibrox personality (yet), so is unlikely to have to share a studio with David Tanner, Neil McCann, or the ones on Sportscene who are so bland that I can’t recall their names.
  • Things are only ever going to get worse when you have a feuding dressing room packed with over-the-hill players. So Warbo should try and enjoy things as they are now before they completely fall off a cliff. 

Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but laugh at Keith Jackson’s twitter spat with Phil MacGiollabhain last night. I say ‘spat’, but it was perhaps more a case of one half ‘dribbling’ via a series of charming pronouncements:

On reflection, the exchange arguably seemed to be a case of ‘Downfall’ versus ‘Clown-bawl’…

I suspect Phil ended up experiencing the same feeling that Mike Ashley had after he had ‘his doors kicked in’ by the police, or that Craig Whytehad when he read about suddenly becoming a (news)paper billionaire…

Still it was nice to see Keith joining Phil in deploying a “Five Stages of Grief” motif in his work today. Keith used it to described Warbo’s week. Phil has previously used it to discuss the never-ending angst of Sevco fans who lost their first club.

I am sure there’s a great joke to be made which begins “Phil, Keith and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross walked into a bar…”. Suggestions on a postcard please… 

Finally, and from my own ‘niche’ perspective, I was somewhat entertained to read Keith’s disparaging views about the “permarage minority” on Twitter last night:

Why was I disappointed? 

Because I thought Keith wanted to be a member of the club… 😉


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