Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Completely Relaxed Mark Warburton

“I’m so chilled I can make ice with my bare hands”

Good Evening. [And please vote ‘Clumpany’!]

The Clumpany enjoys seeing someone happy and relaxed in their work.

Take Mark Warburton, for example. Now there’s a man who is the very personification of ‘chilled’. In fact he is so chilled that I am currently saving money by turning off the dedicated Clumpany Towers booze refrigerator and putting a photograph of Warbo inside it. 

His serene demeanour makes for the perfectly-cool and refreshing Buckie and Bleach cocktail. The fact that the Clumpany refrigerator is the size of an aircraft hangar and a family of penguins have now chosen to move in shows just how chilled Warbo is.

Warbo is so chilled in fact that his close friends call him ‘Princess Elsa’ in honour of the leading lady in the hit film ‘Frozen’, and his tendency to respond to criticism with a hearty chorus of ‘Let it Go’.

Rare picture of Mark Warburton immediately prior to signing his contract at Sevco

And who can blame him?

Fresh from his triumphant narrow 5-1 defeat to Celtic, and having won the Scottish Cup in a 2-3 reverse to Hibs back in May, The Warbmeister is riding the crest of a wave. His team’s turgid play is enthralling everyone who sees it, and their habit of picking up a single point against the likes of Hamilton and Kilmarnock is this season’s ‘must have’ accessory.

It isn’t Warbo’s fault that negative journalists and his own fans inexplicably persist in claiming that his side were royally pumped last week, and can’t defend to save their lives despite having had months to get it right. It isn’t his problem that alleged poor performances attract “poisonous” negative comment in crazy old Scotland. After all, he is “an Englishman working in Scotland”“nobody died”, and it would be very ‘depressing’ to dwell on such nonsense. 

No, Warbo is able to put all of this ‘noise’ to one side and continue to believe that a footballing life in Scotland is one big soothing sauna. With no prams and absolutely no toys being thrown out of them.

Big respect, Mark! 

We’ll remember to judge you in May. Assuming that May is the month after September in the Sevconian calendar…


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