Earlier today, The Clumpany mentioned its good pal ‘Invisible’ Alan.
Shortly after, Alan gave me a call to say he’d heard that a number of Scottish sports journalists were looking for an Invisible Man called ‘Alan’ and had put out an appeal for… errr… sightings to be reported.
Once we had stopped laughing, Alan asked if I had somehow mentioned him in a blog. I didn’t want to spoil his evening so I said it must be a coincidence and an almost inevitable consequence of there being so many Invisible Alans walking the streets of Scotland. Alan was in a good mood on account of finishing work earlier than expected and he didn’t query my explanation.
As he’d downed tools unusually early, Alan was off for a well-earned, pint. However, before he went to a pub he wanted my thoughts on whether there was a difference between an ‘Irish pub’ and a ‘pub’ in Scotland. Alan just wanted a quick pint but had become concerned by an article he had seen in the Herald.
Alan could see from the piece that a Glasgow pub had referred to Sevco as a ‘Zombie Club’ in tribute to them masquerading as the late Rangers FC. He noted that the author of the piece was at one with the rest of the Scottish sports media in treating him like an Invisible Man by glossing over the facts of Rangers’ liquidation. He also laughed out loud at the suggestion that
“The ‘zombie’ reference has come about as Celtic fans believe the Ibrox club died as a result of being pushed towards liquidation four years ago and that it is now a new club.”
He guffawed so heartily because he isn’t even a Celtic fan, and knows fans of many other clubs who simply won’t swallow this revisionist nonsense. Alan told me that the author of the piece was doing him and countless others a massive – if unsurprising – disservice.
But it was the fact that the ‘Irish’ nature of the pub in question apparently merited specific comment that really concerned Alan. As I explained earlier today, Alan is a very ordinary sort of a guy. He doesn’t really want to get involved in subversion, underground activity or the drinking of bad beer. So if a pub having identifiably ‘Irish’ qualities meant it might be defective in some way, he wanted to know about it.
Alan’s instincts told him that an ‘Irish pub’ would be just as good as any other sort of pub. He was therefore inclined to assume that the highlighting of ‘Irish’ qualities in a drinking establishment was simply a slip of the keyboard. Because the theme and beer of the pub, or the background of the people who might drink in there clearly has absolutely nothing to do with whether Rangers were liquidated in 2012.
Alan and I agreed that he should simply go into the first decent pub he found – without fear of favour – and that he should enjoy his well-earned pint.
We also chuckled at his suggestion that he might use the football pages of the Herald to mop up his beer should he happen to spill any…
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