Media, Scottish Football

Catering Problems At The Evening Shark-Jump

Good Evening.

A few days ago The Clumpany brought you a possibly made-up draft statement from Sevco. It took issue with the catering at Hampden on Scottish Cup Final day.

Yet Another Sevco Statement?

Sadly, it has been brought to my attention that another refreshment rumpus could be heading our way at the upcoming ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaargh It’s The Old Firm* And I Just Wet Myself With Excitement’ Celtic v Sevco fixture. 

Apparently there is concern at Shark-Jump Towers – and perhaps across the entire Scottish football press pack – that the epic excitement of Rangers* being ‘back’ might lead to Celtic Park catering staff losing the ability to think and move, thus leading to hungry journalists. 

This will not do. Stunning insights can’t be generated on an empty stomach, and so alternative arrangements are being investigated. The half-time snack of choice is apparently ‘Four seasons’ pizza (and yes they are all seasons when the late Rangers FC ‘won’ the league…) with a side order of bacon coleslaw. The importance of the side cannot be overestimated, acting as it does as a tribute to Rangers’ side letter-driven successes. 😉

However, a problem has arisen in arranging this feast. A grave one. No pizza-provider in Glasgow is able to guarantee bacon coleslaw delivery on Saturday, on account of being struck down by a bad case of ‘Old Firm* fever’… The potential matchday sustenance-implications of this unfortunate turn of events are apparently so appalling that interns have been tasked with finding an alternative side. 

The best they have managed to come up with is a Partick Thistle fan who can supply as much cottage cheese with pineapple as is required. Cottage cheese with pineapple is – of course – quite sweet, and I hear that the prospect of an unsavoury side has got ESJ staff worried.

Unless of course I have misunderstood what this ESJ article meant when it blithely bemoaned the ‘unsavoury sides’ of the Celtic v Sevco fixture…

I’m here all week… 😉