Twitter has reacted with astonishment and laughter to the latest wibble-a-thon-masquerading-as-a-statement from Sevco about the charges laid at their door by the SFA following the pitch invasion after the Scottish Cup Final.
But that isn’t the full story… The Clumpany has seen a copy of another statement which may be published later today, assuming it isn’t just a figment of my imagination. 😉
“RANGERS’* Directors (club, company and any other formulation which might sound REALLY angry) are shocked at the charges issued by Hampden Park Ltd and its staff amid the chaos at food and drink kiosks during Scottish Cup final last May.
It is alarming that the provision of refreshments in Scottish football is so lacking that it is impossible for Hampden Park Ltd to guarantee the provision of Chunky Kit-Kats and cans of Irn-Bru served at the optimum temperature at the country’s showpiece event.
Normal Kit-Kats may be effective in formulating bullsh*t explanations of why this is the same club as the one which went into liquidation, but they do not offer the satisfying ‘crunch’ of a Chunky Kit-Kat. And it should be noted that lukewarm Irn-Bru is a gross affront to Rangers* and lots of other things which we would list if it wasn’t for the fact that we find punctuation to be a major challenge.
;:;’:”!?() [See, we told you…]
Hampden Park Ltd – whose directors include senior officers from the SFA – is either unwilling or is powerless when it comes to taking the appropriate purchasing decisions or pursuing action against offending suppliers.
A number of Rangers* players were taunted by Hibernian supporters waving Chunky Kit-Kats and perfectly-chilled Irn-Bru in broad daylight. And a repeat of this must be avoided at all costs. Match catering should have been the priority of the Hampden Park Ltd. Yet, they and the SFA insist it is not within their remit to issue sanctions for such reckless misconduct and rampant savouring of fine chocolate snacks and that oh-so-refreshing canned nectar.
Instead of player and supporter sustenance, they placed all their emphasis and importance on the monetary value of the defective items consumed by Rangers* fans and officials, and issued charges for them. Cash charges. At the point of sale!
Rangers* Directors will take time to consider an appropriate and more comprehensive response to redress our grievances while savouring Chunky Kit-Kats and immaculately-served Irn-Bru with journalists who are willing to champion our just cause. But for the moment, the board fully endorses the Chunky Kit-Kat incredulity and Irn-Bru anger of all Rangers* supporters.