Celtic, Media, Scottish Football

Some Questions For Brendan

Good Evening.

You may have seen reports of a somewhat bizarre conclusion to Brendan Rodgers’ press conference last night following Celtic’s wonderful 5-2 victory against Hapoel Beer Sheva.

The excellent @celticresearch account posted a transcript of one journalist’s attempts to get Rodgers to comment on Joey Barton’s latest round of nonsense. Barton had suggested that the Celtic manager might be having a mid-life crisis. You can find their transcript here. 

However, I have seen a different account of events, which may be completely fictitious, but which now follows…

Journo: [*Chuckling as he speaks*] “Hello Brendan. Obviously no one is really bothered about the football. 5-2 blah blah blah, second leg to come, blah blah, keep it tight blah blah…”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*]

Journo: “So can I ask you about Joey Barton?”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*]

Journo: “He said some attention-seeking bullsh*t about you which is great easy page-filling material for us. Would you care to comment so we can fill the other sixty column inches that we still have left over? If you could say something rude about Joey that would be perfect”.

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*]

Journo: “He said you were having a mid-life crisis…”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently, and does not blink*]

Press pack: [*Shuffle uncomfortably in their seats*]

Journo: “Do you have any comment to make on that?”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. Picks up glass of water*]

Journo: [*Doubt creeping into his voice*] “Any comment at all?”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. The glass of water starts to boil in his hand*]

Journo: [*Panic setting in*] “Brendan? Mr Rodgers?”

Press pack: [*Stare at shoes. Silently pray that this will soon be over*]

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. The water evaporates. The glass starts to melt*]

Journo: [*Gulps*]

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. The melted glass drops on to the desk and forms the shape of a mini Brendan Rodgers kicking the arse of a journalist*]

Unidentified voice from amongst the press pack: “Dear God, let us get out of here alive…”

Journo: [*With squeaky voice*] “He also mentioned your tan and teeth…”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. Adjusts his tie*]

Press pack: [*Cower in their seats. Whimpering can be heard*]

Journo: “Do you think games like tonight’s take their toll on a manager? Might Joey Barton have a point?”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently. Puts his hand to his mouth and clears his throat*]

Press pack: [*Flinch with terror*]

Journo: “Mr Rodgers? Sir? My readers would like to know what you think. Is Barton playing mind games? Is that good for Scottish football? I need a line or I’ll have to make something up.”

Press pack: [*Sharp intakes of breath*]

Unidentified voice from amongst the press pack: “I just want to see my family again. Please make it stop.”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently, takes a deep breath*]

Press pack: [*Gasps*]

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*] “I thought the team were magnificent tonight. There is still a way to go before we are the finished article, but we have given ourselves a great chance to progress after the away leg.”

Press pack: [*Sighs of relief*]

Journo: [*Kneeling behind his chair and peeking out*] “And Barton? What about his comments? Did you see them?”

Press pack: [*Gasps*]

Brendan Rodgers: [*Nods almost imperceptibly at the journalist’s laptop which starts to whir and spark*] “No”.

Journo: [*With sheer unadulterated terror in his voice*] “It’s all a bit of banter though isn’t it?”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*] “Is it? Are you finished?”

Journo: “No.”

Brendan Rodgers: [*Stares intently*] “We’ll see about that. Goodnight everybody.” 

Brendan Rodgers: [*Gets up and leaves. Stares intently into the soul of the journalist for the rest of his days*].

I am sure that all concerned have now learned their lesson…


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