The Clumpany was amused by this recent headline on the Sky Sports website.
You could only describe Sevco as having ‘splashed the cash’ on players in the transfer windows since the Glorious Takeover of March 2015 if the definition of ‘splash’ includes a drop of water being wrung from a damp cloth left out in the sun for several years. Sevco’s transfer activity hasn’t so much been an orgy of spending as a brief coy glance across the street at potential suitors who are well out of their league.
Even the Sky piece can’t help but point out the blindingly obvious:
“Rangers chairman Dave King has indicated manager Mark Warburton is unlikely to be given much more money in the current transfer window.
The newly promoted club started their Scottish Premiership campaign with a 1-1 draw at home to Hamilton Accies on Saturday, with Warburton’s squad still short of numbers.
King promised an investment of between £30m and £50m when he was attempting to gain control of the then Championship club in 2015, but so far he has not any provided significant sum.”
Ouch! It’s a good thing that no one has put their name to the piece otherwise they might be bundled into the back of a van and sent to a re-education facility!
And on it goes:
“Head of recruitment at Ibrox, Frank McParland has been working with management duo Warburton and Davie Weir attempting to unearth players mainly out of contract.
Rangers have brought in Niko Kranjcar, who turns 32 next week, to join 33-year-old Joey Barton and Clint Hill (37) on Bosman deals.
Matt Crooks, Josh Windass, Joseph Dodoo and Lee Hodson have all arrived on nominal fees, along with free agents Matthew Gilks and Jordan Rossiter.”
“King said: ‘It’s now a question of getting them to settle in. Today was the first chance of playing together in a competitive environment, but we hope the investment we have made will see us in good stead over the course of the season.
I think we haven’t finished doing business yet and given the fact we are in the Premier League, it’s a more competitive league, I think we’ll keep more in reserve for January as well and just look at where we think we are league wise at that point in time.
Last year the challenge was to win the Championship and this year the challenge is to compete for the Premier League and then next year hopefully when we are in Europe, we’ll increase the investment again to try and compete in Europe.'”
Ah! So now the investment might come in January. When I think of the supposedly imminent investment in players by Sevco since the Glorious Takeover, I can’t help but think of the fans as impatient children in the back of a car during an interminable journey.
Kids: “Are we nearly there yet? Are we? Are we nearly at Overinvestmentville? You said it wasn’t far”
King: “We’ll be there soon. It’s just around the corner”.
Kids: “You said that when we were supposed to be having a day out in Warchest Town. We didn’t get there and only ended up with a Wes Foderingham poster from the pound shop on the way home. Are we nearly there yet?”
Kids: “We want to see the Overinvestmentville footballers. They are supposed to be really good”.
King: “Look! Did you see that Celtic sports car which just passed us? They won’t get there any quicker. In fact, I would say that the challenge of having a fast, expensive, and reliable vehicle which they can afford is probably something they’d be better off without”.
Kids: “But they are doing 70 in second gear and we are helping to push this Reliant Robin along with our feet like the Flintstones”.
King: “This Reliant Robin is the envy of every car-owning football club in the world. Over 100 years of history and no external debt. Oh, before I forget, have you got a tenner for petrol when we pull in at the next service station?”.
Kids: “Are we nearly there yet?”.
King: “Look, why don’t you read about Overinvestmentville in today’s Evening Times?”.
Kids: “But we are too old for comics… Are we nearly there yet?”.
Keep an eye out for a postcard from Overinvestmentville, should King ever arrive there…