Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Pish Tsunami

Good Afternoon.

A cursory glance through The Clumpany’s  Twitter and blog output confirms two things:

  1. I don’t half ramble on; and
  2. The Scottish sports media produces no end of nonsense when highlighting the virtuous, world-conquering deeds [no, not those deeds, Bomber] of Sevco FC (or ‘Rangers’ as they like to pretend…). 

However, once in a while a piece comes along which provides ‘Mr Custard Incident’ levels of mind-boggling, jaw-dropping hilarity.

Gary Ralston produced one last year about how Dave King might well get the better of His Big Mikeness:

That Lamb You Like Is Going To Come Back In Style

And Martin Hannan wrote a truly cringeworthy piece in The National which practically begged the SFA to deem Dave King ‘Fit and Proper’:

Dear SFA: Please ‘Release the (Dave King) Pounds’

Even more rarely, an article is published which has me running round Clumpany Towers closing all the windows – even the ones on the upper levels above the clouds – to ensure I stay dry as a tsunami of pish hurtles towards me. 

Today was such a day. And you don’t need to be a genius to guess which paper it appeared in.

After four phoney wars lets hope we have a proper Old Firm Premiership title battle this season

Phoney, eh? I know a song about that…

My word! Boy is that piece terrible, insulting to Scottish football, and extremely selective by opting not to mention the huge benefits the glorious ‘same club’ Rangers* brought to the game the last time ‘it’ was in the top-flight. You know the sort of thing: financial doping, EBTs, side-letters, and unpaid taxes and creditors. Positive innovations that made Scottish football the envy of the world.

Here are a few key illustrative quotes from the piece:

“IT has been the taboo topic for seasons now but the point will be proven in the Premiership over the next few weeks, months and years.

Scottish football and our top league needs Rangers. It has been the elephant in the room but now the Glasgow giant is back where our game needs it.”
“But there is no question that the product overall, not in every case, has diminished in the seasons that Rangers have been making their way back from the Third Division. It contributed to the malaise that has set in here.”
“For four years, we have hyped up a title battle that was more handbags than a fight to finish. It has been a phoney war where the winner was known before a ball was kicked.

Celtic may well go on and make it six-in-a-row this season, but hopefully Brendan Rodgers and his players will have to work for it this time out. The last thing Scottish football needs is another canter to the finishing line and a one-horse race.”

“They just didn’t have it in them. Any talk of the Dons, or Hearts, winning the league this time out is fanciful.

Of course, there is no guarantee that Rangers have what it takes this term either, but their presence boosts the image of Scottish football. Every league needs its biggest clubs at the top of their game.

Mark Warburton’s side still have plenty to prove and require another couple of additions, but they are better placed to become credible long-term challengers to what will be an improved Celtic than Aberdeen or Hearts are. Rangers will win the title again before the silverware travels to Pittodrie or Tynecastle.”

“But now we have normality restored in the Premiership and hopefully a title battle to match some of the great head-to-heads of yesteryear. After four low-key seasons at the top end, it would be more than welcomed.”

This article seems to be based purely upon the assertion (I won’t say ‘the belief of a Sevco fan’), that a large dose of Rangersness has some sort of validating effect on the entirety of our wonderful historic national sport. It suggests the achievements of any Scottish club are worthless without the warm glow of ‘a’ Rangers illuminating them. 

This view is – of course – utter hogwash and has been rightly ridiculed on social media by fans from across Scottish football. 

The notion that a malaise is afflicting Scottish football is utterly risible. The only really troubling malaise to have affected our game in recent decades was the one caused by a team in light blue being cheered unquestioningly to the rafters by the MSM as it trampled all over the rule book, creditors and the very concept of football as a sport.

Now THAT was a problem. And hopefully one that we will never have to exerience again.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I am off to check the Clumpany Lifeboat just in case an even bigger tsunami of pish heads my way. Although I suppose I’d always have the option of trying to escape by grabbing on to the waterskis of the chap jumping sharks at world record heights.

Dear me…


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