Scottish Football, Sevco

Shite ‘van’ Man

“I can’t believe anyone fell for it…”

Good Afternoon.

You have to salute the folk behind the summer’s most ridiculous transfer ‘story’: that Sevco were ‘favourites’ to sign Robin van Persie. RVP is of course a player that we’ve actually heard of and who isn’t a Bosman or someone Warbo once met by a vending machine when he was a youth coach.

No doubt the bookies were having some money-making fun, and – who knows – perhaps a certain PR operation had a hand in unleashing a great big Dutch squirrel in order to keep Sevco in the news? Whatever the case, a cursory Google search last night suggested that van Persie is on Dave King-scaring wages of up to £240,000 per week at Feberbahce. A sum which is almost equivalent to paying a LNS fine every seven days!

The story was so bonkers that even the Warbmeister was today quoted as saying:

“Robin Van Persie is an unbelievably talented player, but there is absolutely no truth in the rumour. I’m both bemused and amused.”

“There is no substance whatsoever. I’m sure someone is laughing somewhere.”

Warbo did not explain how the chuckling over the RVP ‘story’ could be differentiated from the ongoing perpetual mocking laughter at Sevco. However, it is good to know he can hear our guffaws.

RVP has been ‘linked’ with a number of Premier League clubs including West Ham and Stoke (yes, Stoke. No really: Stoke!), but even his apparent willingness to more than halve his wages to £100,000 per week hasn’t yet tempted any residents of the Premier League Financial Madhouse to pay a suggested £4-5m transfer fee for him…

Clearly, short of South Africa’s favourite war chest-wielder unexpectedly stumping up an actual transfer fund there was no way that van Persie was going to end up at Sevco. Indeed, if you genuinely believed that he was willing to take the sort of wage cut required to play for them then you probably also believed that he was going to take evening classes in Glasgow, become a fully-qualified roofer and help to fix the Ibrox stands for free.

However, such common sense considerations didn’t stop some Sevco fans from concluding that their recent signing of Accrington’s Galacticos was about to be topped…

Nae luck lads!

But fear not. A solution could be at hand. The Clumpany has unearthed an orange delight which is also ‘van Purse-y’ and which won’t cost the ‘club’ £100,000 per week.

As part of the ever-expanding ‘Sevco Shoots-Itself-In-The-Foot’ sportswear range, this item is absolutely not available in any retail outlets...


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