Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Luddite Behaviour

Good Afternoon.

There is a sense of anger in Sevconia today after another affront to their dignity was discovered.

Gazing into a crystal ball from his vantage point of 1690, the ‘Wise Wibbler’ – a title bestowed on a staunch chap charged with the being the ‘Official Seer of Reasons to be Offended’ – has spotted an insult on the horizon. 

In 1712, Thomas Newcomen will invent an ‘atmospheric engine’ which will help kick-start the industrial revolution by bringing steam power to mechanical operation.

Here’s a picture of his delightful device.

Now, you might expect that such a progressive development would be welcome in Sevconia. But you would be wrong.

Because Mr Newcomen’s ‘atmospheric engine’ is destined to go down in history by another name: the Newcomen Engine.

Have you spotted it? 

Well the ‘Wise Wibbler’ certainly has.

How much more provocative can you be than to invent something called the NEWCOmen engine?! It’s like our good friend Thomas is deliberately engineering something specifically to laugh at the followers of liquidation-surviving (sic) Rangers Football Club. The ‘Wise Wibbler’ is certain that Thomas Newcomen must be in league with his associate Mr Bet Fred across the centuries. As far as he is concerned, you could not find a more obvious conspiracy anywhere. Well, at least not until the next one…

The ‘Wise Wibbler’ has recommended that his disciples seek out examples of this sectarian, offensive and bigoted NEWCOmen engine and its successors, and break them up. And the Luddite Loyal are expected to respond to his call, with pitchforks, torches, and absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever.

I just hope that they don’t find any NEWCOmen Engines at NEWCOllege in Oxford, otherwise the dreaming spiers might end up looking like Manchester in 2008.

By the way, sharp-eyed readers may have noticed a flaw in my historical ‘analysis’ above. Thomas Newcomen was around a full hundred years before the Luddites. But I think we can overlook this. After all, the fact that Rangers were around over a hundred years before Sevco doesn’t stop the ‘Wise Wibbler’ and his followers from making a false connection between the two…