Floating around in the ether as I do, The Clumpany has never really felt the need to engage the services of a lifestyle guru. After all, Clumpany Towers has so much to keep even the most demanding of ethereal entities entertained.
Time has little meaning in the ether. After all, four years can seem like 144 when you exist on an existential plane. However, inasmuch as I ever experience ‘time’, I usually like to spend mine in the Clumpany Towers in-house pub, which is called ‘The Dog & Clumpany Arms’.
It used to be called the ‘Dog & Duck’ but Tom English kept trying to get in with talk about a football ‘club’ “looking like a duck”, and I didn’t want to encourage him any further. There are only so many times you can bear to hear that story about what Dermot Desmond, Peter Lawwell and Ronny Deila actually think about Sevco being in the top flight.
So now my in-house pub is called ‘The Dog & Clumpany’. And let me boast to you that the cask pints of Buckie and Bleach there are second to none! In fact they are so good that I often buy myself several rounds.
But back to the business of the day…
Fate has conspired to thrust a lifestyle guru upon me. Apparently I think too much about Sevco and Rangers. And as a result I have been given some unsolicited ‘Top Tips To Live A More Rewarding Life And Stop Pointing Out That Something We All Witnessed In 2012 Did Actually Happen’.
Before I go any further, I should explain that this tongue-in-cheek blog is being written while UN weapons inspectors bang on the ethereal doors of Clumpany Towers. In a rare moment of unanimity, the Security Council – having seen the above tweet – became concerned that I might be about to engage in a battle of wits. And they decided it was only fair that I should be as unarmed as my opponent…
I will try to ignore them for a little while longer while I type the rest of this piece.
I have considered my lifestyle guru’s advice and think there may be a couple of ways to embrace it.
1) I could buy a tin of ‘Pal’ dog food (strangely, I can only seem to find lamb flavour…) 😉
Hopefully my new lifestyle guru will now advise me on the best course of action.