Rumours are circulating that the Evening Shark-Jump sports desk is raising money to co-invest in Sevco’s drive for world domination.
Apparently every time they get a mention of ‘Old Firm’ into their articles, not only do they get the satisfaction of furthering the pretence that Rangers didn’t die horribly at its own hand, but they also receive the loose change of friends, colleagues and admirers. Which is then placed into a jar labelled “The back where we belong 1872 Same-Club-So-Shut-Up-You-Obsessive Fund”.
The fundraising is going pretty well. Just this afternoon the Evening Shark-Jump managed to mention an “Old Firm showdown”.
Kerching! Another 2p immediately went into the jar.
But this success is just a mere pebble atop a money-spinning mountain of achievement. The Evening Shark-Jump ‘Old Firmery’ has been truly relentless, and has recently included:
“Old Firm clashes”
“Old Firm heat”
“Old Firm day”
“Old Firm battle”
“Old Firm match”
“Old Firm injury scare”
“Old Firm success”
“Old Firm Scottish Cup clash”
“Old Firm rivals”
“Old Firm build-up”
“Old Firm experience”
“Old Firm afternoon”
“Old Firm match day”
“Old Firm hero”
“Old Firm fans”
“Old Firm triumph”
“Old Firm return”
“Old Firm derbies”
“Old Firm glory”
The fund is now well on its way to raising its first pound! [NB I would crack a ‘Craig Whyte’ joke at this point if we were talking about Rangers rather than Sevco…]
Given the epic amounts of effort being put into this charitable endeavour I really hope the participants get some recognition. Perhaps Norris McWhirter and Roy Castle could present them with a certificate commemorating ‘World Record Levels Of Desperation To Give A New Entity Some Sort Of Identity By Associating It With An Opponent With Genuine History’?
Of course, it won’t be the real Norris McWhirter and Roy Castle presenting the certificate to Old Firmville’s finest reporters. They passed away a number of years ago.
It will be a couple of blokes dressed up like them.
But let’s face it, that wouldn’t bother the Evening Shark-Jump in the slightest…