Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The MSM ‘Adopt A Rangers Creditor’ Scheme

Good Evening.

An exciting new charitable endeavour has come to the attention of The Clumpany. 

Schemes which help the less fortunate to attend football matches are a familiar but welcome feature in British football. And all those involved in them should be saluted. 

It’s a great day out for those who wouldn’t normally get to enjoy such a treat and can generate long-term support for a club. It also promotes a positive image of the game, and it gives clubs and volunteers an opportunity to ‘give something back’ to society.

With this is in mind, I can only applaud the massed ranks of the Scottish sports media who have signed up to the new “Adopt-A-Rangers Creditor Scheme”. The members are obviously too modest to boast openly of their involvement, but The Clumpany has seen leaked documents which confirm that they like to leave subtle messages of support for each other in newspaper, TV and radio pieces.

These coded messages are usually just a few words buried in amongst the high quality output. But once you know about the ‘special code’ you can’t fail to spot it. The ‘special’ words include

“Old Firm”

“Promoted back”

“Premiership return”

“Holding company

“Demoted” [as a synonym for ‘formed from dismembered body parts and applied to join’]

“Relegated” [as a synonym for ‘formed from dismembered body parts and applied to join’]

“Financial collapse” [as a synonym for ‘died humiliatingly’]

Etc etc etc…

Let’s leave the MSM’s finest to their private modesty and odd little messages, and take a few moments to appreciate their Good Works.

And what sterling efforts they are! The terms of the scheme are very simple. A member Scottish sports journalist simply identifies a creditor of the ‘same club’ from a VERY long list, and takes them to Ibrox to watch a game of football!

I am sure you will agree that its simplicity is a thing of pure beauty. At the end of the match the creditor is presented with a mug [NB appropriately enough, it is a ‘complete mug’, not a broken one…]. The mug is emblazoned with the slogan “The ‘same club’ couldn’t have done it without me! Woohoo for unpaid bills!”.

I understand that the handing-over of the ‘Mug of Mockery’ is always an emotional moment for all concerned.

The great news for anyone who is a user of UK public services is that YOU are a creditor of the ‘same club’, so you might be eligible for a special Creditors’ Trail trip to Ibrox with your favourite Scottish sports journalist! Why not see if you can spot coded messages in their output and apply for the ‘Trip of A Lifetime’?

Be warned however, you might not get much conversation from your MSM host at Ibrox. Apparently they usually just sit there staring at their shoes, shuffling uncomfortably in their seats, and sweating. I am told that audible sighs of relief have often been heard when their creditor guests have finally departed for home.

Anybody would think they were completely embarrassed to be confronted by the truth of stiffed creditors….

All the best to the “Adopt-A-Rangers Creditor Scheme”! It is doing some great squirm-inducing work.