Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

Everybody Loves Sevco!

Good Morning.

Derek ‘Perpetual April Fool’ Johnstone is at it again.

The man who is to quality punditry what Scottish sports journalism is to Pulizter Prizes has wibbled forth with another ‘column’ in the Evening Shark Jump. To be fair, in amongst the ESJ’s shameless festival of systematic liquidation denial and Sevco fanzinery his column manages to stand out as being especially ludicrous. Which is an achievement of sorts.

Derek Johnstone: Championship coronation will be a moment to remember for Rangers

“It has been a tough few years for Rangers, there is no doubt about that. But, on and off the park, we are on the right track and promotion will be another important step.

This is the most significant thing to happen for Rangers for four years and we will be back in the top flight again next season. That is why such a big deal will be made about it, and rightly so. For the players who have stuck by the club through it all, like Lee Wallace and Barrie McKay, it will mean so much to them.

But it is for the fans and the people from the club who have been on the road with Rangers as well. This will be a really big moment for them. They will see Rangers back where they belong.”

“Back where they belong”.

Oh dear. There’s that utterly endearing sense of entitlement once again. 276 creditors might argue that should it ever manage to leave the moral vacuum the only place the ‘same club’ belongs is in the queue for a cash point. From which they can withdraw the cash to pay the stiffed facepainter and many others…

There were massive crowds at Ibrox in the Third Division and the fans have stuck by their club home and away all the way through the leagues.

For the supporters, this is a really significant achievement. They have suffered so much in the last few years, they have seen their club take so many blows from so many people, but now Rangers will be back in the top tier of Scottish football.”


The only thing that is suffering are my  aching sides, DJ!

The section of the Sevco fan base which has revelled in the ditching of vast amounts of debt and hounded anyone who has dared to speak the truth about liquidation can hardly be said to have ‘suffered’. 

Sharp-eyed Clumpaneers will have noted that DJ employed the standard Sevconian ploy of referring to ‘the club’ as a separate (and thereby ‘blameless’) entity. This means that it can always be distanced from any wrongdoing or mishap that it encounters. The idea that a ‘club’ has a life of its own away from the people that run it and the money spent  to win trophies is also deployed whenever the issue of stripping titles from Rangers over EBTs and side-letters is mentioned.

And it is – of course – an ocean-sized puddle of pish.

But my favourite part of the piece is this extract:

If the clubs in the Premiership are honest, they will be delighted as well.

For the teams in the lower leagues, they have gained so much from having Rangers in with them in the last few seasons.

They have had big gates with the Rangers fans travelling down, the towns have benefitted and made a few quid when Rangers have come to town. Rangers have done well for the clubs in those divisions.

The only clubs that have missed out are the ones in the Premiership and they will be delighted to see Rangers back from next season.”

Yes you read that correctly. A tsunami of ‘Blue Pounds’ has washed through the lower leagues during Sevco’s ‘Journey’ from birth to the top flight.

Businesses have boomed, the sun has shone constantly, the sick have been healed, the lame have walked, and the adoring locals have lined the streets applauding and giving Sevco fans flowers as they processed in triumph through the towns of Scotland.

And not one rendition of The Billy Boys or The Famine Song has been heard en route. What’s more, no stadium announcer or programme-writer has come a-cropper for reminding everyone that Sevco is a new club. 

It has been a period of untold blessings for Scotland’s lower league clubs and their home towns!

I absolutely love the arrogance of the suggestion that Premiership clubs are lying if they aren’t delighted to receive the manna from Heaven which is the ‘return’ of a Rangers-flavoured entity ‘back’ to the top flight of Scottish football.

The Clumpany assumed that DJ simply couldn’t comprehend the alternative perspective. The fact that most of us have 

  • loved not having cheating and financially-doped dead Rangers in the top tier,
  • enjoyed the spectacle of a more level playing field and different teams winning cups,
  • relished not hearing stadiums echo to lusty renditions of songs celebrating the delights of wading in Fenian blood.

Because the sort of insular arrogance displayed in DJ’s column would probably struggle to think of anything beyond a Rangers* being in its ‘rightful place’.
Which is a shame if you are creditor of the ‘same club’, or if you simply prefer to watch a competitive sport rather than a souped-up Freak Show.

I am away to send Sevco the first of a series of Valentine’s cards. I am sure DJ wants us all to show them the love that they apparently ‘deserve’…