The Clumpany has hitherto resisted the temptation to put a ‘Donate’ button on this site. Rumours that it is because no one in their right mind would pay for this nonsense are completely unfounded.
But today I am asking you to show some charity to those less fortunate than yourselves.
It has come to The Clumpany’s attention that a resident of Ibrox is in a bad way. They are heartbroken, needy and are experiencing a colossal identify crisis. On occasion they feel the need to lash out at others as they frustratedly try and work through their issues.
They were determined to keep the source of their anxiety a secret. Unfortunately, however, today they made a slight mistake by accidentally publishing a statement which has been picked up by lots of newspapers and read by thousands of people.
How unlucky can you be?
It seems that someone has been calling poor beleaguered Sevco nasty names. And Sevco doesn’t like being called a ‘new club’, even though an entire country saw its birth in 2012.
The unwittingly-released insight into Sevconian turmoil can be found here:
Only when you have read it a couple of times can make sense of its meandering points [yes that is rich coming from me…] and appreciate its crazy majesty.
“IN light of recent ill-considered comments made by journalists and players it is perhaps timely to point out that we must all continue to Follow With Pride.
Clearly it rankles with some that we, Rangers, are still here with our history intact and the best way to protect this proud heritage is to ignore our detractors. Do not react to them and give others cause to criticise our behaviour.
Instead, Follow With Pride and deny those who cannot accept reality, or legal judgment, to examine their own mind sets.”
Can you imagine any other football ‘club’ in the world whining about detractors and suggesting outsiders examine their mind sets? No, me neither. But then again, other ‘clubs’ don’t seem to think that they are under an actual siege just because the rest of the world doesn’t share their perspective on every single aspect of the universe.
And as for the mention of ‘legal judgement’, well that really is a comment from the top drawer of Wibblery…
The statement then goes on to ask Sevco fans not to engage in tantrums in the form abusive behaviour. Whether this request has anything to do with the minority of fans who were quietly whispering The Billy Boys during the Sevco-Hibs game in late December is not made clear.
Instead People are asked to
“Celebrate the Club, its unbroken timeline, honours and achievements but do not sing any inappropriate songs. Gestures and chants which are deemed offensive should also be avoided no matter the level of provocation and while it is important to be aware Police Scotland, the SFA and SPFL can take action, remember also that this Club enforces its own code of conduct.
Fans who behave in an inappropriate manner and who bring the Club into disrepute will face punishment. They might be given lifetime or limited bans so please, let us all support Rangers in the correct way.”
Fair play to Sevco for warning of consequences in response to offensive gestures and chants. However, the mention of “no matter the level of provocation” could be seen as an unfortunate nod to the possibility of opposition fans and ‘off message’ reporters and players ‘bringing it on themselves’.
Hopefully it wasn’t.
But the mention of “unbroken timeline, honours and achievement” really is protesting too much! The repeated assertions of continuity coming out of Sevconia completely betray an anguished sense of self-doubt. An insecurity that comes from the knowledge that Rangers’ flushed its own history down the toilet in 2012.
My favourite line of the statement is the final one:
“Let’s Follow With Pride and treat the ill-informed with the silent contempt they deserve.”
There’s nothing like publicly stating your …errr… silent contempt to make yourself look very silly indeed!
It’s a bit like going into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and showing your contempt for booze by downing a case of Buckie…
You really have to wonder what Sevco hopes to achieve through these rambling attempts to rewrite history. I suspect it isn’t all about making over 7 billion people on planet Earth laugh at them yet again. But that is undoubtedly the outcome.
As I indicated at the start of this piece everyone’s favourite Govan resident seems to be in a bad way. Upset, frustrated, bewildered and feeling distinctly unloved.
In short, the new club and its followers need a hug. With that in mind, I suggest that we all ‘club’ [or ‘holding company’] together and send them teddy bears to bring a little comfort into their lives.
I am sure their gratitude will be undying. Unlike their first football club.
The Clumpany’s #BearsForBears appeal is now underway! Please give generously and