Forget Picasso, Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Michelangelo and that bloke Da Vinci who apparently liked to paint barcodes. Or something.
If you really want to learn about artistic excellence, I strongly recommend you enrol at the Daily Record Art School.
There is a small caveat to my recommendation, however. If you want to learn about sculpture, oil or watercolour painting you should consider taking your custom elsewhere. Because the Daily Record Art School is a somewhat niche establishment.
It specialises in airbrushing.
Specifically, the airbrushing of sporting history.
Some might say the Record’s airbrushing ‘skill’ merely consists of firing a water cannon full of pish at a piece of paper and hoping for the best. 😉 But I think they are deserving of more credit than that. So small amount of expertise and effort goes into its masterpieces.
Take today’s offering for example. It’s an absolute cracker.
Perhaps it was intended to be a post-modern tribute to Constable’s “Hay Wain”, hence its apparent working title: “Rangers: Nae Blame”, but I cannot be sure.
But let’s have a look at its opening paragraphs, and marvel at the artistry on display:
“RECORD Sport online takes a trip back in time to look at the last Rangers team to play a match in the top tier of Scottish football.
AFTER Tuesday night’s win against Raith Rovers, Rangers moved 14 points clear with nine games to go in the Scottish Championship, Record Sport Online looks at the last Light Blues XI to play a top flight match.
Rangers defeated St Johnstone 4-0 in May 2012, and have endured a trying period both on and off the pitch since then.
As you will see, a lot changes in four years, it will certainly be a different looking Rangers team that takes part in the top flight next season.”
Isn’t that brilliant?
Without any apparent irony or explanation, the piece states that the Sevco side in next season’s Premiership will look different to the Rangers side that played in the SPL in 2012!
Call me ‘experienced in spotting liquidation denial’, but the difference might just be because Rangers went to the grave at its own hand and all the players were free to walk away! The outfit currently playing out of Ibrox might wear light blue, but comparing its team with that of Rangers is like comparing the Daily Record with a newspaper. They simply aren’t the same thing!
The nearest the piece gets to recognising that something of substance happened to Rangers in 2012 is when it says that Lee Wallace “has stuck with Rangers all the way through their off-field problems”.
There is also a mention that “the 2011-12 season was a nightmare for Rangers fans”, but otherwise all we are told about the club’s demise is that the likes of Steven Whittaker “departed the club” .
I am sure the article was intended as a mildly-diverting page-filler, but it plays to a recurring theme of this blog and to the views of many on social media: that we are being treated like morons.
History is being re-written before our eyes with seemingly no care for whether we notice or object. The ‘move on’ mantra has been uttered by some media personalities over the past few days, and I suspect it is going to continue next season when Sevco makes its debut in the top flight.
Sadly for the folk that would shut us up, we see that phrase as emblematic of an illiberal era when most of society was expected to bow before concocted truths and handed-down narratives.
We refuse to bow because those days have well and truly gone. You might even say that they have ‘moved on’.
Keep looking out for the ‘Liquidation Lies’, and…