Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

All You Need Is Guff

Good Evening.

If The Beatles were an early 21st Century band, their spiritual ‘peace and love’ phase would not involve a trip to India to study the ‘teachings’ of the Maharishi.

No, they would instead study at the Temple of Warbs. For that is the place to which anyone seeking insight into the human condition (and the running of Scottish football) should make a pilgrimage.

The Temple of Warbs is – befitting the transcendental genius of The Warbmeister – an institution which takes many forms. Sometimes it has a physical presence – such as ‘Murray Park’, and on other occasions it is manifested in the Daily Record or Evening Shark-Jump newspapers. And on the most spiritual of days, Guru Warbs (who has ascended to Level 5 of Football Mysticism) can be sighted on Sky Sports News.

And so it was that Guru Warbs held court today on everyone’s favourite cliche-driven, time-filling sports news channel, as well as sharing his wisdom in the newspapers.

And what joy was had by everyone lucky enough to bask in his radiating wisdom!

One of the topics discussed with Sky was almost inevitable…

Old Firm Excites Warburton

Warbo: “I think any football fan will know and recognise that it [Rangers* v Celtic] is one of the biggest derbies in world football so it’s fantastic for the fans and the players to experience a game of that nature,” 

“That has to be our target – four Old Firm games would be tremendous.”

I admire Warbo’s optimism that a newly-promoted Sevco would finish in the top 6 of the Premiership and secure a fourth game against Celtic next season. But who am I to question the Wisdom of the Guru?

As you can imagine, Warbo’s comments about the Celtic v Sevco ‘Old Firm’ game being “one of the biggest” in world football were gleefully seized upon by the Scottish Sports media. Despite them being utter horsesh*t. Many of us aren’t prepared to go along with the Great Liquidation Lie, and most Celtic fans do not want their club’s reputation shackled to the activities of an entity which pretends to be a creditor-stiffing, rule-breaking ‘club’ that is currently undergoing a post-mortem at the offices of BDO.

The idea of Celtic and Scottish football as a whole being synonymous with Frankenstein’s Rangers is repugnant. And the more the insulting lazy falsehood of the ‘Old Firm’ is wheeled out, the more the likes of me will deride it.

Still, fair play to Sky for giving a second tier manager the opportunity to express his second-rate opinions. Hopefully other Scottish Championship managers will be given similar airtime in due course.

The other notable piece of Guru Warbs’ teachings today, was bestowed via this Daily Record piece:

Development league games mean NOTHING. Our kids need games that matter if they are to improve

Having recently instructed us about the future of the Champions League, the perils of vicious plastic pitches, and the remarkable potential of player bonus schemes, Warbs decided to dismiss the Scottish Development League. Pretty much out of hand.

“MARK WARBURTON last night insisted Scotland’s Development League does not prepare players for first team football – and has all but pulled the plug on Rangers’ involvement.

The Ibrox boss has admitted he couldn’t care less if Gers struggle to win matches below first team level – and is adamant that the only result that matters for his Academy is producing players he can use.

The Ibrox boss has revealed that his club will flood the Under 20s league with players from his Under 17 squad and loan out all his best kids to give them a better chance of coming back ready for the Rangers first team.

He told Record Sport ‘They are not going to make that transition by playing Under 20s games that don’t really mean anything. I watch the boys walk off and sometimes if they’ve won 2-0 or lost 2-0, you can’t tell the difference.

But if the best young players go out on loan, and it is an appropriate loan in the same way as Arsenal have sent Gedion Zelalem and Spurs have loaned Dom Ball to us, they get to play games that really matter.
They are going up against guys who are fighting for their mortgages and supporting their families. They need to go an experience that, go out on these loans and further their development, as opposed to worrying about winning Under 20 games or Under 17 games.

The last thing we should look at as supporters of Rangers Football Club are results of any game outside of the first team. As a consequence, we’ll end up playing really, really young players in the Under 20s league and Rangers might not be sitting in the top two of that league. That requires a change in the mindset of everyone at the club – this is a club that has regarded winning as all important at every level in the past.
Supporters will look at that and think this is different, but it is important to realise why we doing that.'”

Personally, I don’t care whether and how Warbo wants to get the best out of his younger players. Every manager should be free do what they like within the rules. 

Yes, that’s right. WITHIN. THE. RULES.

However, I do take exception to the way he dismisses the (admittedly imperfect) Development League and appears to suggest he couldn’t care less about the strength of the team that Sevco fields, or the results that they get in it.

It’s rather disrespectful to the other clubs, and to a competition to which Sevco signed up. I found myself wondering whether his remarks about “not looking for results outside of the first team” extended to the Glasgow Cup, which has produced publicity-generating Sevco v Celtic finals during the past two seasons.

I also wondered whether there is a chance that the players who have taken Sevco to the dizzy heights of 8th place in this season’s apparently time-wasting Development League might sink without trace when sent to experience more ‘challenging opportunities’. But I am sure that Warbo knows what he’s doing.

And who knows, sending players out on loan might help to get reduce the overall wage bill at Scotland’s newest club. This  would be great news for the war chest, which must be under severe pressure following all those… errr… player purchases during the past two transfer windows…

In conclusion, today’s teachings by Guru Warbo were as worthwhile as always. Of course, a cynic might doubt his spiritual powers and suggest that Warbo simply enjoys getting on his high horse and explaining what will be good for the Scottish game. Despite his limited experience.

But if that was true, he could end up looking very silly indeed should his opinions and plans come back to bite him on the arse. Thankfully for Guru Warbo, however, no one is keeping track of what he is saying for comedic use if and when it all goes wrong.

Are they?

Finally, it is worth noting that when The Beatles returned from visiting the Maharishi in India in 1968 they had written most of the songs that would become the ‘White Album’. The Clumpany wonders what a 21st Century Beatles would make of the teachings of Guru Warbs? I suspect they could still produce a record, but it wouldn’t be known as the ‘White Album’.

Perhaps something rhyming with ‘White’?

Now, let me think… 



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