Mark ‘Warbmeister’ Warburton loves a good grumble doesn’t he? And today he hit the jackpot.
Reports have reached Clumpany Towers about a rather unfortunate incident.
Apparently Warbo sat down for his lunch in the Sevco canteen and was about to tuck in when…
Cutlery. Made of PLASTIC!
After a sharp intake of breath he reassured himself that it was no biggie. People used plastic cutlery all the time and it was just another challenge that he had to overcome… He would focus on Rangers* cutlery issues. He didn’t need to pay any attention to other club’s cutlery. It was all about Rangers’* cut-price cutlery.
Fast-forward a few minutes and Warbo was in the office of the canteen manager, bleating. A lot.
According to Warbo he was really looking forward to a slice of his soup [he is innovative in everything he does…]. He had picked up the plastic knife, made respectful contact with the liquid and…
Soup everywhere! Covering a 50 mile radius. The bowl shattered, sending fragments into space. Warbo was appalled that this could possibly happen and decided to make a complaint.
“Plastic cutlery is unforgiving”, he wibbled. “If that knife had been made of grass instead, there would have been no damage done. Plastic cutlery should be banned from top-flight canteens.”
“But you’ve never eaten in a top-flight canteen…” said the canteen manager. “And people have been using plastic cutlery for years without problems. Folk come in here all the time and use it. In fact this is the first time there has ever been a problem. Are you sure you aren’t overreacting?”
Whereupon Warbo stomped away, muttering something about phoning Neil Doncaster to get a review of plastic cutlery in football canteens. Shaking her head and fearing the worse, the canteen manager went to inspect the epic soup damage, donning a hazmat suit and carrying distress flares. Just in case…
You can imagine her surprise when all she found was a small drop of soup on the table. It was as if the bowl had simply had a bit of a knock. Which had happened countless times before.
She was just about to wipe up the mess when she received a phone call. It was from Sky Sports:
“We hear there’s been a major ‘plastic’ incident…” said the reporter.
And here’s a little song for Warbo…