Another day, another Sevconian grumble about something.
From the various petitions, exasperated blogs, protests, and general complaints, I have almost concluded that the Kingdom of Sevconia is under actual siege. You know the kind of thing: walls being assailed by cannon fire etc.
The siege hasn’t been on the news. But then again it wouldn’t be. Because those seeking to destroy Sevco made it their first priority to infiltrate the media and ensure that not a single sympathetic word about it could ever make the newspapers or airwaves.
The brave souls of the Sevco Poular Front, the Popular Front of Sevco, the Sevco Front Popular, the Front of Popular Sevco, and the Front Sevco Popular therefore have no choice but to fight an unending rearguard action against their ’ememies’. Without any help from the authorities, and without ever actually speaking to the other factions. Because no one likes a ‘splitter’ who isn’t as ‘dignified’ as them.
Today’s Blow For Freedom came in the form of this petition, which called for the BBC’s Chris McLaughin to be removed from his position.
“Chris McLaughlin has proved that he cannot be impartial when it comes to reporting on Rangers FC and it’s supporters.
BBC Scotland refused to send a match reporter to 3rd most attended football match in the UK, and the most attended match in Scotland on January 16th 2016 due to this employee being banned from the stadium. This is unacceptable.
This ‘journalist’ is banned because he has proved on multiple occasions that he cannot conform to the BBC guidelines on Impartiality. Also of note is Section 15 of the BBC Charter – Conflicts of Interest.
License Payers should not be paying to fund this hatred.”
Where do you even begin with this?
Perhaps by noting the word ‘hatred’ which is used so often that you could be forgiven for thinking that everyone outside the walls of Sevconia is a seething, dribbling, mass of pure vitriol…
It’s quite a remarkable thing to see folk calling for yet another journalist to be removed for apparently taking part in the Grand Assault On Sevconia. I have to say that Chris McLaughlin comes across as a decent guy who loves his football, rather than as an agent of destruction in an eternal conflict between Sevconia and absolutely everyone else.
As you may recall, The Clumpany doesn’t believe in banning journalists. I think it is counter-productive, and not a good thing for society.
However it is the prerogative of football clubs (and ethereal entities) to do so if they wish. But no one can have any complaints if the journalist’s employers then refuse to engage with them as the BBC has done with Sevco (to a small degree) for a second time.
Chris McLaughlin has of course previously been banned from Ibrox for ‘misleading’ and ‘unbalanced’ reporting:
A ‘truce’ was eventually agreed, but it seems to have broken down.
Sadly the petitioners – a group calling themselves “Bears Fightback” – don’t share The Clumpany’s view, and actually want Chris McLaughlin removed for Crimes Against Sevconia.
In their words: “Let him face the consequences of his agenda”.
Despite having a distinctly dark tone, it really is as petty as it is laughable.
And it may be someone else’s turn soon.
As the group’s website explains in its ‘Welcome’ (which doesn’t seem to be a particularly warm one):
“This blog, therefore, has been set up to defend the honour of the club and it’s supporters. To all the haters, heed this warning. Your articles and comments are being noticed. We will notify the club of any untruths, inaccuracies or unfair treatment. If the club are unwilling to take action then we will.
We will look into the history of each and every individual or company embroiled in this hate fest, and we will look to hurt you in any way legally possible. If you lose your business, your money, your home, your husband or wife, your children or your freedom, don’t say you weren’t warned!”
Blimey. Whatever next? Blowing the candles out on your birthday cake before you get the chance? Removing the snap from Christmas crackers to spoil your special day? Painting the grass in your garden light blue?
I have to say that I am looking forward to the day when disgruntled Sevconians find out that the folk running the Change.org site are all season ticket-holding Celtic fans, and in total command of the Grand Conspiracy against Sevco.
Now that really would be worth starting a petition about…