Carry On Bidding

Good Evening.

“It won’t be five or six players – far from it. We’re looking at one, maximum two players in January. We have a good dressing room. They are where they are in the league because they deserve to be there.”

“I think it would be almost disrespectful to your playing squad to go and get five or six players in.”

“You can’t talk about working together on a daily basis and then talk about bringing five or six players in. The moment you do that you lose all harmony in your ranks.”

[Mark ‘Warbmeister’ Warburton – 31 October 2015]

The above quote is taken from this piece on the Sevco website. 

I don’t know what has happened since October, but there seems to have been an appalling outbreak of disrespect in the Sevco dressing room during the January transfer window.

Has Warbs been replaced by a respect-free clone manufactured from unused Wi-Fi infrastructure? The Clumpany demands to know!

Because a quick look through the Sevco website suggests that they have already signed pre-contract agreements with Matt Crooks and The Remarkable Josh Windass from Accrington Stanley, and signed Harry Forrester from Doncaster Rovers. And if all the reports are to be believed (yes, yes, I know…) they are also in hot pursuit of Brentford’s Toumani Diagouraga, and St Johnstone’s Michael O’Halloran.

It’s not exactly “one, maximum two players”, is it?

To be fair to the World’s Greatest Manager, he has shipped some players out, so the net squad size hasn’t been soaring. But has it been strengthened? Does it look like they are doing ‘whatever it takes’ to secure automatic promotion, and build for challenging in the Premiership next season? Noted philosopher Dave King indicated several months ago that this was the name of the game, and even spoke of ‘over investment’ to achieve it.

In truth, it looks more like Warbo has continued to draw on his contacts and knowledge of lower-league English football to secure bargain basement buys, and is seeing the overall wage bill coming down. There is (of course) nothing wrong with that, but it is hilarious to see it play out in stark contrast to the tubthumping rhetoric of a few months ago and the eternal optimism of parts of the media.

In all honesty, you couldn’t really describe the approaches for Diagouraga and O’Halloran as ‘war chest-tastic’ could you? An offer apparently worth ‘up to £500k’ was nowhere near enough for Diagouraga, and the upbeat narrative about the lad possibly travelling to Glasgow as early as last Friday soon dissipated. 

Consequently, we may never know which distant planet man would need to have set foot upon in order to have triggered the full £500k payment.

And as for the ‘bids’ for O’Halloran, (which have echoes of the doomed approach for Scott Allan in the summer)… the Clumposphere has been in a high state of mirth today at various stories suggested that Sevco had offered anything between £110k and £200k for him. The BBC may have enigmatically referred to the offers as being “six-figures”, but they were still figures which caused the population of Perth to point and laugh in the direction of Govan for several hours.

Maybe Sevco know something about these players that we don’t?

Maybe they don’t feel they need to bid a substantial amount to secure their services because they are the PretendyGers? And that should be enough of a reason for any player to hand in a transfer request and sulk until they are allowed to fulfil their Light Blue destiny.

Or perhaps Sevco are simply content to appear ‘busy’ in the transfer market without actually spending very much? Which would then beg the question (alluded to by Craig Fowler in the Scotsman today) of whether they actually have much money to spend.

Whatever the case, Sevco’s transfer activity has now reached the point where you can actually hear a Swanee whistle blow every time they make a bid. 

Followed by the raucous Sid James-like laughter of the various club Chairman who are about to tell them where to shove their offer…

Still, on the positive side, the lowball bidding for players is now the only element of farce about Sevco. It’s not like they are a loss-making business without a credit line from a bank which is surviving on loans. And it is not as if they are affected by multiple court cases which have the potential to call into question their very foundation.

Because if they were, that would be a real Carry On.



2 thoughts on “Carry On Bidding

Comments are closed.