Media, Scottish Football, Sevco

The Fat (Laughs) Controller

Good Afternoon.

Well who could have predicted a MSM feeding frenzy about Sevco’s signing of two Accring-ticos?

[*Cough Cough Cough*]

The Secret of Alchemy

First of all, credit to Graham Spiers for offering a realistic perspective in the Herald:

Spiers on Sport: is Mark Warburton risking Rangers in signing English fourth-tier players?

Spiers expresses some admiration for the job Warbo is attempting to do, but has the (welcome) temerity to ask

“Is this the sort of squad-building that, as Dave King has assured, will open ‘the doorway to Europe’ for Rangers next season?”

Ouch! That will be you banned from Ibrox, Graham. Oh, wait…

But Spiers’ is a pretty isolated voice in the papers today. 

I must admit that I was hoping for something pretty impressive from the Record, given last night’s trailer:
And it didn’t disappoint!

Dean Windass: My boy Josh can be the new Gazza after signing for Rangers

Levering in a ‘Gazza’ angle (and thereby remembering the ‘good old days’ when there was a Rangers and they won stuff with other people’s money) was truly inspired. 

In piece by Gavin Berry, Josh’s dad, Dean really goes to town. It must have come as quite a shock to the Record to find a dad who was willing to gush about how great a footballer his son is, and I can imagine that it took some tough questioning before he really opened up.

The below extract tells you all you need to know about his comments:

“And Windass said: ‘I’d love to see Josh wearing the No.8 shirt which he wears for Accrington. He’s always liked the No.8.

It’s ironic because my hero was Gazza and I played against him 10 or 11 times. I’ve become a good friend of Paul’s so if Josh can emulate what Paul did for Rangers he won’t be doing too badly.

I said last season I believe Josh will play for England before he is 25, 26. The environment he’ll be in at Rangers* with good players will help him get 
international recognition because he’ll get the ball.

I’m sure Rangers* will help him achieve international status. Touch wood Rangers get back* into the top flight next season and get back* into the Champions League.’”

No doubt it will be a very proud day for Dean when the Warbo Magic results in Josh lining up for England alongside Wes Foderingham. 

Remarkably, the Windass windbaggery wasn’t the finest offering from Gavin Berry today. No, that accolade goes to this article:

Rangers open contract talks with Jason Holt, Andy Halliday and Barrie McKay in bid to tie them down

This piece is so giddy that it really ought to go for a lie down.

“RANGERS* have opened talks with Jason Holt, Andy Halliday and Barrie McKay in a bid to tie the star trio down on improved Ibrox deals.

Light Blues boss Mark Warburton wants to reward the trio for their performances this season in helping the club to the top of the Championship.

Gers were also given a boost after Gedion Zelalem signed an extension to his loan deal which will see the Arsenal kid stay in Glasgow until the end of the season.”

“But while Warburton is continuing his search for new faces in this month’s transfer window he wants to secure the futures of current key men.”

“Holt in particular has earned rave reviews for his displays”

 “Andy Halliday signed a two-year contract when he joined his boyhood heroes.”

“And McKay has flourished since the arrival of Warburton”

Star trio? Rave reviews? Boyhood heroes?

Who knew (apart from perhaps the entire staff of the Evening Shark-Jump sports desk) that Sevco were so blessed with such astonishing talent that other clubs failed to spot?

But back to Josh Windass… 

Gavin Berry wasn’t the only journalist who went in search of the Big Scoop today. Matthew Lindsay of the Herald came up with this cracking story:

Yes. Matthew has reached all the way down to Harrogate Railway Athletic FC in order to seek a view on Mr Windass. And yes of course it was a very positive view. Even Jamie Vardy of Leicester City gets a spurious mention, which serves to emphasise the point that really good players (such as Windass – honest guv) can still emerge from a humble footballing background comparatively late in the day.

I particularly enjoyed his former manager Billy Miller remarking that Windass “is very creative. He can unpick locks”. No doubt that will prove invaluable as Dave King seeks to open his sealed war chest in the near future…

Hopefully Matthew’s delving into the background of obscure players will be extended to other Scottish clubs’ signings in the near future. But for now, I look forward to further epic analysis from Harrogate Railway Athletic FC.

Perhaps Thomas the Tank Engine will be quoted as saying that Windass’s genius gets him “all steamed up”?

And perhaps The Fat Controller will say that Windass’s footballing skills always made the trains run on time? [NB any similarity between the Fat Controlller and anyone running a Sports-related PR firm in Scotland is entirely coincidental].

All aboard the Hyperbole Express! Next stop: Laughing At Sevco.



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